Success.

I am sorry if I have seemed dramatic the past few posts. I figured whoever was commenting was joking, but I don't condone cyber bullying in any way. Having been someone that jokes (more than I am serious, for that matter), I have been the accidental bully myself. I am not that self conscious, but because I figured I would never get the chance to discuss the topic with the anonymous blogger, I figured posting that would show what I had to learn the hard way.

This fits with anyone and any form of joking. You don't know who is vulnerable, even if you think you do. I am fine, but I have struggled with my self image and this did make me feel bad a little. Just remember, the world is a hard place. You can make it easier for everyone by being a friend always.

I don't like tooting my own horn, but someone shared this story with me that made me realize even more how true this is.

Once I was at a party where I didn't know anyone but the host. It was an awkward situation. And, needless to say, I was kinda uncomfortable. But I remember this hilarious guy over in the corner. He was pretty attractive, I must say. I watched him from afar. The way an awkward outsider who frequently creeps on other people's conversations does. This guy was downright hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing at his witty remarks. And then, a little bit later, that gentleman introduced himself and was kind to me the whole night. He was one of those rare hilarious gents who has his head on straight. One that everyone admires and some fools show that as envy. One that makes you laugh till your sides split, but knows when it's right to joke, and when it's good to be serious. He made my night. He involved me in conversations when I was an outsider.

I honestly have no memory of this occurrence, which helps. You literally have no idea when you will have the opportunity to be someone's best friend, even just for a night. You have the power to make someone worse, but you have more power to make them better.

How's that for a lesson learned through deception and trickery? Really though, sorry for the mislead (even though I did start out that post saying, "I am a liar. I lie a ton."). I thought this ended better than I was planning. Also, a side lesson for you: Don't tangle with Wyatt Duclos via written word, because he is like the Superman of the English language.

Also, if you are completely lost as to what I am talking about (it's a hard thing to follow), read this post and the comments, then this post and it's comments, then finally this post. Hopefully that will help you understand what happened.

Confession

I am a liar. I lie a ton. Especially to myself. I pretend to be smarter, cooler, funnier, and better looking than I am. Because I learned a while back that when you throw yourself in the deep end of anything, you'll struggle, but then you'll swim. For example, I say I am smarter than I am. I make everyone around me think I am a genius. Then, when it comes to it, I usually am. You're already more than you imagine you can be, you just have to push yourself. That is a philosophy I have developed. But here is the truth.

I think I am ugly. I think I am stupid. I think that there is no reason any person ever should be attracted to me. I believe there is no draw to me. But I pretend to be attractive. I throw myself into the deep end. I pretend to be attractive. I try to think that I am. But I am not. So if you think, "Wow, Wyatt is ugly. Ugly enough to make woman stop liking men in general. I should inform him in an anonymous way because that isn't a piece of crap move at all. In fact, I am sure that is exactly what great men like Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, and Albert Einstein would do. I even think Jesus Christ would be judgmental and anonymously make a guy feel bad about himself. I am making the world a better place and not making a self conscious person feel bad at all," just know,  you are wrong.

I don't need complete jerks telling me I'm ugly.

I don't need any more negative thoughts generated in my brain.

I don't need you commenting on my life.

I hope your goal is to make me commit suicide, because, honestly, that is the only thing that you'll really accomplish. You aren't funny. You aren't making anyone think less of me besides me. The only thing in the world that you are doing is, by the definition of the world, being a total skunk. 

If you really feel I need your advice, don't take the coward's approach. Sign your name. As Captain Malcolm Reynolds once said, "Next time you decide to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face."

Good news!

Well, the shrew has spoken! An anonymous girl (or extremely confused guy) has decided to leave this humdinger of a comment:

So glad jerks read my blog and feel compelled to look at it even though doing so might change their sexual preferences! So, for that lucky anonymous hermaphrodite, I make a promise:

I, Wyatt Russell Duclos, solemnly swear that I will do all that is in my power to upload as many pictures of me in my suit as I possibly can. This is a promise made in the understanding that doing so will eliminate trolls from trolling on my blog or cause such trolls to change their sexual preference (which is imagined to be a negative prospect). Most importantly, I intend to prove that pictures of me will not change the sexually preference of viewers (it will not change for women because I am so good looking and it will not change for men because, honestly, I am not that good looking).

I would also like to publicly tell whoever commented that that they are not forced to read my blog (and if they are they need to call the police because that is not a healthy thing to force someone to do). Seriously though, if you are reading my blog and being a jerk, just stop reading. I write this for myself, not for your needs and wants. I don't care what you want or don't want me to post. To quote a friend of mine, 

You should know: this is my blog.

Not yours. Not the kid-next-door's. Not my mom's.
I'm gonna post about whatever I want to post about.
The good, the bad, the ugly and all that jazz.
Don't like it? Don't read it.

So learn to either stop doing something you don't like doing anyway or learn to shut up because your trolling isn't wanted.

Just for you, you little sloop.

Bond, James Bond. Actually Wyatt Duclos, but you know.

I have really started to like an album lately. Now I know that typically my musical interests are not like this, but I did come from rock-and-roll as my roots. I am mostly pretty calm with my musical choices, but I can't help myself with some good rock. One of my favorite bands just released an album this year called The 2nd Law. Holy crap I dare you to listen to it without feeling like you are watching a film with the lead role being 007. Just listen to this:



That guitar is just...so Bond-esc.

Also, I got a new suit. It looks so hot. You will have a hard time looking without wanting to kiss me. Even if you are a guy. Maybe not. Don't turn gay for me. I would not support that. Stay straight, my friends.
I'll post a picture of me in the suit soon. I need to get dressed to go to my cousin's baptism then I will take a picture. Yeah.

You'd think that

You'd think a guy that has seventeen direct family members would see more than two of them on a daily basis.

You'd think a guy with tons of friends would be hanging out with at least one of them on the evening of a break from school.

You'd think that a guy that had two cans of Coke that day and two bottles of Martinelli's in the last two days wouldn't try to finish off the two liter of Coke.

You'd think that a guy that is really actually content with his life in general but frustrated with the moment wouldn't blog about it.

You'd think I would run out of things to complain about.

You'd think that I would get sick of watching Big Fish or The Dark Knight Rises or Malcolm in the Middle.

Well you would be wrong (with the exception of that last one. Seriously. Just done watching and rewatching). 

I'm sorry I have kind of been the pits lately. I have definitely had a case of the everything-I-feel-is-worth-blogging-is-not-a-good-thing blues. I blame the very Narnian season coming up (winter without Christmas). I probably won't being leaving the house anytime tonight. Because not having a social life outside of your three best friends does that when they are all busy liking someone (or in one case, not liking someone (long story)). 

I am also really tired. I didn't sleep at all from the 23rd to the 24th, then only got six hours of sleep between Eve and Day. Then the last two nights I got a solid 40 minutes and built a rocking horse (actually more like a solid 12 hours). And I think I'm dehydrated? Yeah, probably should drink water. I will, don't worry. 

My life is just thrilling, eh? Winter and I don't talk much. We aren't really friends. I try to talk to it but one of us just starts yelling and when it's me I lose the argument because people think I am crazy. Let's just bring on Spring, yeah? I'm so tired. 

I need to do something. But it's like Hoth out there and I don't have a car or any other form of transportation. Not even a ton-ton or an AT-AT. My life is so hard. I hate sitting here, but I don' have much of a choice.

To end on a good note, my story I started writing years ago is improving slowly. I am a introvert by force, not by choice.

It will happen

I love when I forget, even for a second, that I am going to do great things. Because when I remember nothing in the world can stop me from doing so.

Celebrity Crush

I don't usually have these. But gosh dang it, I just like her too much. And I have hardly even seen her. See, this actress is the next companion in the television show Doctor Who. Her name is Jenna-Louise Coleman. It may be her good looks, it may be her British accent. It may even be the fact that she has a name closely fitting Jean Louise Finch. Regardless, she has got a good sized chunk of my heart. Check her out:

She's just adorable.

I mean, look at her. I would bake with her any day.

The best gift.

So I have been going through a lot internally. I could explain, but I already did in a letter. You'll understand why when you read the letter, but for the moment just know I was feeling like I needed one person: my brother, Brock. He was the only one I could talk to. But because he had a bunch of mission stuff on the Monday before Christmas (Christmas Eve) when his P-Day usually is, he told us he couldn't email. But I didn't care. On Saturday I just needed to vent my emotions to my best friend. So I did. I even put the subject of the email as, "I know we'll talk before you read this." So here is my letter, unedited and completely and totally personal. Please know I put this here only so you know how powerful the results were.

My Best Bud-

I just need to talk to you. I really miss you right now. I always miss you, but where you would be Trevor or someone else takes your place, but there are some places where only you fit. Like right now. It's Christmas time. Everyone has their family. I mean everyone. Trevor has his family. Bob has his. Nick has his. Nicole Tucker (who I am best friends with) has hers. The Popes and Pixtons and Haws' have theres. And to some extent Mom and Dad have their own thing happening, just the two of them. That's why you are so important. Because you are me plus two years. When the married people started talking about pregnancy, we went to play pool. When everyone had their family Christmas parties, we watched Jingle All the Way together (which I watched last night, alone). You are the one that keeps me from not being alone. And a Christmas like I'm reminiscing about may never happen again. This my last Christmas home and if I had one hesitation about not going on a mission ASAP, it would be wanting to spend one more Christmas with you while we are both wife-free. I need you. I love you. You are my best friend, better than all 6.9 billion other people. I'm glad I followed you, even though it felt sometimes like I was in your shadow. You are awesome. I love you. Merry Christmas. Just know that no one misses you more than me. I guarantee. Because no one else needs you with them more than me. 

-Your Best Bud

Tomorrow is Christmas. We are going to talk on the phone. I knew what was going to happen. But Saturday night I prayed. I really prayed. I asked Heavenly Father for a confirmation. See, I could leave before Brock gets back. I have always felt like an afterthought in his weekly emails. I needed to talk to him when it was just us. All I wanted was one, meaningful exchange with him before I left on my mission. That is what I prayed for; that was what I wanted. And I got it. Heavenly Father is the best at giving and, boy, is he the best at surprising us. After pulling an all-nighter with my friends, I woke up after a two hour nap to the best Christmas gift ever. What was it, you ask? Well here it is.

Hey mate, 

Turns out we got to do email today but we don't have a lot of time. You get the privilege of receiving my only email of the day!!

You know what helped me this Christmas? Elder Holland has an article in the Ensign (or New Era, I read it in the Liahona) that talks about his first Christmas away from home. It was when he was a new missionary, training a newer missionary and opening a new area. They spent the whole day the whole week actually, knocking on doors without anyone listening to them (as great as the mission is, those days happen and they are rough). But he said that was the first Christmas that he really focused on what it meant instead of focusing on just enjoying it. There is a lot of wisdom in his words. 

I love you and I'm glad you miss me. I miss you too. I am so excited for what you're going to learn on your mission. You'll grow in a way you'll never expect. Like it says in Ether 12:27, when you're out on your mission, you're going to be shown your weaknesses more than ever, believe me. But they'll be turned into strengths. You'll have a mission president that loves you and is inspired by Heavenly Father to help you become who you need to be. That relationship is so special. 

I pray for you because I know you are at a really fun, but really hard part of your life right now. And I am proud of you. I tell everyone that I have five brothers, four that served missions, and one that is on his way. One of the things I've learned is that I never have to wait to be happy. I can find the good in everything and enjoy life wherever I am. You are a good kid, and I'm excited to see you. 

I love you,

Elder Duclos

I'm sure he doesn't know how much his email meant or how much it made me cry. But Heavenly Father loves me so much. So much that he would give me a meaningful, personal conversation with my best bud. I know that He knows me personally. This Christmas is the best one I've ever had. Because even though I am kind of a loner, I am never alone. I have my Heavenly Father there, making sure I am happy. What else could I ask for?

I like work

My job is the perfect job. Good coworkers, good pay, free pizza, fulfilling work. I love it so much.

Things I never did/was

Tomorrow is the end. Not really, but if it was, I have a pretty embarrassing list of non-complishments. Here it is:

• Never even kissed a girl. Not even close.
• Never was an adult.
• Never owned a car.
• Never read the entire Bible (almost there, though).
• Never wrote a book and/or movie.
• Never had a relationship with a girl.
• Never read Foundation.
• Never been out of a North American country.
• Never went on a mission.
• Never got my endowments.
• Never became an elder.
• Never been a president of anything.
• Never been married.
• Never went to college.
• Never ate a steak burger in Utah.
• Never had my concealed carry permit.
• Never did all of my laundry.
• Never worn a suit tailored for me.
• Never recreated any of my favorite scenes from my favorite movies.
• Never gone skydiving.
• Never seen The Hobbit.
• Never seen Life of Pi.
• Never expressed how much people really mean to me.

So that is my list. Pretty depressing. Good thing I'm working on it. Also good thing the world is still going to be happening for longer than the next 24 hours and one minute.

I don't like stuff like this

Typically I don't like posting stuff like this (or reading posts like this), but this song is really easy to relate to for me.



Ha. I am such a dork. I did the numbers last night; I am 0 for 25 of significant crushes that amounted to anything. I am so glad I get to go on a mission and forget all this girl stuff.

This is me. In a sick video.

Sandwich from Jessie on Vimeo.

It'll work out

It always works out, no matter what you're going through. But just knowing that you will feel better soon won't make getting hit in the crotch hurt any less.

That moment

I like to say that I am always right. Because I am always right. I know when it won't work out and I know when it will. That's why the moment of heart break blindsided me. I was wrong. It sucks being wrong.

I am in a posting mood

You know those nights when you have a head full of thoughts and you can't do anything except think? Tonight. I am just letting some of those thoughts go. I really am so sick of school. I don't want to go anymore. I am so tired. I just have so many things to say that I could never type out a whole thought because it's so complex.

The moment you start saying you're done with something is right when it becomes ten millions times harder to avoid. Things are just the worst sometimes. I am just writing words that help me clear my head. 

I watched O Brother, Where Art Thou? today. Such a great movie. I want to watch a Harrison Ford action movie from the nineties or thousands, like Fugitive or Frequency or Firewall (the fugitive used a frequency to hack a firewall. HA!) 

I want to see The Hobbit and Les Miserables and Man of Steel. Especially the last one. I don't know if you guys know this, but Superman was my first pop-culture icon. When I was six I wanted to be him more than anyone. Now one of my favorite people in the film industry is creating a sick film about my favorite superhero? Dream come true. Literally. I really wanted Christopher Nolan to direct a Superman movie (yeah I know he is producing, but that's good enough).

Anyway. Merry Christmas.

I just don't know what to do

I hate this guy. I really have never seen one thing I like about him. I want to not hate him, but I can't. I can't find one thing I like. I don't know what to do. Advice?

I guess I am just different?

I really don't feel like living through a certain date is that important. I feel like I am the only one. Or maybe I just don't have a high school level personality. I am just more mature or something. But keep in mind that you did live during 12/12/12 at 12:12:12 AM and PM, so did 6,973,738,433 other people. So congratulations. You participated in a world wide event of living for two limits by a human clock that are unusual because of the way the are numbered.

Girls

Hahahaha. Remember this post? Hahahahaha I am so stupid to think that I could just not like girls. But for reals this time. That girl that I liked for over two years? Not anymore. That girl I am really good friends with? Not going to be more than friends. That girl who asked for my number? Good luck with the rejection hotline (haha just kidding, but really, I won't be flirting with you via text). That girl who might have a crush on me that is really pretty and I would not dislike liking? She probably won't get to know me very well.
I am D-O-N-E with girls.



And I am happy with that.


Also, this.
I seriously almost urinated from excitement. I really did. It made me explode with pure excitement. I LOVE SUPERMAN. SO MUCH. I SHOULD STOP yelling.

Purging the system

Once upon a time there was a show called Doctor Who. There still is, I just want to refer back to a certain point in the show. So if you don't know, Doctor Who is a British TV show that follows the life of a time traveling alien known as the Doctor. It was really big in the sixties, seventies, and eighties. The thing about the Doctor is if he gets injured and has enough time, he can regenerate. Basically this gives the producers a way to change the main actor and retain the same character. Anyway, a reboot start in 2005.

The tenth Doctor, played by David Tennant, was around for a good three seasons and he was the face of Doctor Who right when I got into it. Really, he was the best thing I could imagine for the show. He just fit. There were characters that he had met (both as the ninth and tenth doctors) that were a part of the plot and I really started to like them a lot. They were really quirky and it was a fun point in the story.

Then something happened.

David decided to leave. I didn't think I would like that. Who is he to leave the perfect show? He was perfect. The whole situation was perfect. But it was over. I didn't know what the show had in store for me, but I couldn't imagine anything better than the tenth doctor.

The eleventh doctor looked weird. He sounded weird. He acted weird. It was weird. Not only that, but the show felt different. His ship, the TARDIS, was different. His weapon of choice, the sonic screwdriver, changed. None of my favorite characters were there. They had all left when David did. 

That's when I realized the show was purging the system. It was starting fresh. It had a good run with the tenth doctor, the best yet, according to some people. But they knew they needed to move on. David was not going to be coming back, so they knew the only thing they could do was make the next situation as great as they could, without anything supporting them that had been established by David's doctor.

And honestly, I did not like it at all. This Matt Smith guy was crazy. But after a while, I started to love it more than before. I found myself not wanting to even remember that there was any other doctor than Matt Smith.

So with that long analogy, just note that I am purging the romantic system. Cleaning the whole rhino and not just the legs. What? Yeah that didn't make much sense. Sorry, I am tired. System is purging. 

Reasons I fear I am part robot (and things that make me know I'm not)

I realized I could be a robot. I know I'm not, but just because of pop-culture "facts." Tell me what you think.

• I just can't do the RECAPTCHA things. You know, the pictures that makes sure you aren't a robot? I can't do that.
• Sometimes magnets will still to me. I don't know why.
• I just understand computers. It's almost like I understand their language.
• I am good at math. Like a robot.
• I look like him (kind of).
• I can hear songs on the radio in my head.
• I have a USB connector in my ear (just kidding. It's a firewire cable).

The thing is, the only reason I don't think I am a robot is because I cry. But cyborgs can cry, right? Oh well.

I've Always Been a Fool

I've done this:

Always Been a Fool
Big Fish — MOVIECLIPS.com

Now I need to do this:

Field of Daffodils
Big Fish — MOVIECLIPS.com

Applied

I am officially grown up. Because I just applied to the University of Utah and it's Honors College.








I still had to use my mom's credit card to pay for it, though.

This scene

I love this.

Time Stands Still
Big Fish at MOVIECLIPS.com

Life update

• I need to submit my college applications by December 1. So…I kind of need to start them. (The reason I put it off is because I don't want to grow up. Peter Pan and I are basically the same (except he can fly))
• Santa is coming to town tomorrow night and I am one of his 6 foot elves. It'll be great.
• I am reading Life of Pi which is a great book. I haven't really had a reading book that I have gotten so into in a while, so I am really enjoying it.
• I saw Lincoln. He is my best friend.
• I am going to the Festival of Trees twice this week. Once for singing, once for dating. I am not sure which one I am more excited about.
• My house is Christmas-ed. So many decorations.
• I am going to star in my friend's film class class final. My name is Brandon and I will eat sandwiches.
• I am so busy this week it isn't even funny.

P.S. My dad just said, "What's the site that you post movies to--oh yeah, YouTube." Old people make me laugh.

Average. Moderate.

"The average person puts only 25% of his energy and ability into his work. The world takes off its hat to those who put in more than 50% of their capacity, and stands on its head for those few and far between souls who devote 100%."
-Andrew Carnegie

Dare to be the few and far between. You know I will.

12588

That is how many page views my blog has as I start writing this. I will also attempt to write that many things that I am grateful for. Let's go.

1. My ability to sleep.
2. My ability to walk.
3. My ability to read.
4. My ability to use my hands.
5. My sight.
6. The fact that my sight is impaired.*
7. My hair.
8. My teeth.
9. My muscles.
10. My bones.
11. My eyelashes.
12. My ability to hear.
13. My ability to smell.
14. My ability to taste. (Especially)
15. My ability to work.
16. The fact that I don't use heelies.
17. Eyebrows. Not just mine. They complete the face. Like pepper on macaroni and cheese.
18. My huge feet.
19. The fact that I have to shave my face.
20. Working internal organs.
21. The ability to correct defective cells that would otherwise become cancer.
22. Wrists.
23. Ball joints.
24. Ankles.
25. Fingernails/toenails.
26. My digestion system.
27. Some sick DNA I got from my parents.
28. Thumbs.
29. Lips.
30. Pupil dilation.
31. My ability to converse well with others.
32. Gums.
33. Knee caps.
34. Ability to dispose of waste.
35. Lactose intolerance.
36. Swallowing.
37. Ability to jump.
38. My laptop.
39. My clothes.
40. My bed.
41. My desk.
42. The scriptures.
43. Televisions.
44. My glasses.
45. My blog.
46. Preach My Gospel.
47. Books.
48. Movies.
49. TV shows.
50. Que tips.
51. Tooth paste.
52. Cups.
53. Cameras.
54. Plastic.
55. Paper.
56. Pants.
57. Peanut butter.
58. Peanuts.
59. Pears.
60. Pecans.
61. Pleasures.
62. Peas.
63. Plants.
64. Pizza.
65. Pizza.
66. Pizza.
67. Practice.
68. Peaches.
69. Plums.
70. Plumbing.
71. Presidents.
72. Phones.
73. Pictures.
74. Picture frames.
75. Cars.
76. The internet.
77. Shampoo.
78. Showers.
79. Soap.
80. Lye.
81. Deodorant.
82. Hot chocolate.
83. Doughnuts.
84. Plates.
85. Coke Zero.
86. Juice.
87. Cereal.
88. Sorbet.
89. Statues.
90. Flags.
91. My watch.
92. To Kill a Mockingbird.
93. Ender's Game.
94. Star Wars.
95. Back to the Future.
96. Back to the Future Part II.
97. Back to the Future Part III.
98. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings.
99. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.
100. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.
101. Harry Potter (books)
102. Second book
103. Third
104. Fourth
105. Fifth
106. Sixth
107. Seventh
108. Harry Potter (movies)
109. Second
110. Third
111. Fourth
112. Fifth
113. Sixth
114. Seventh
115. Eighth
116. Lincoln.
117. Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
118. La Vita E Bella.
119. Oscar.
120. The Green Mile.
121. War of the Buttons.
122. Toy Story.
123. Toy Story 2.
124. Toy Story 3.
125. Mumford and Sons.
126. The Shins.
127. Band of Horses.
128. Bon Iver.
129. The Head and the Heart.
130. Muse.
131. Bishop Allen.
132. Imagine Dragons.
133. Journey.
134. The Postal Service.
135. Huey Lewis and the News.
136. Phoenix.
137. Foreigner.
138. Arcade Fire.
139. Passion Pit.
140. The Beatles.
141. Coldplay.
142. Fahrenheit 451.
143. The Princess Bride (book)
144. The Princess Bride (movie)
145. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
146. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
147. Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark.
148. Son of Ranbow.
149. Pixar.
150. The Prestige.
151. Batman Begins.
152. The Dark Knight.
153. The Dark Knight Rises.
154. 30 Rock.
155. Arrested Development.
156. Avatar: the Last Airbender (NOT THE MOVIE)
157. Firefly
158. Get Smart.
159. Psych.
160. The Mentalist.
161. Seinfeld.
162. Castle.
163. The Office.
164. Community.
165. Fringe.
166. Person of Interest.
167. Since there are 1800 people at my school and I know most of them, therefore I will say I know 1000 people that I am grateful for.

 1167. Trevor.

 1168. Maren.

 1169. Nicole.

 1170. Carley.

 1171. Taft.

 1172. My dad.

 1173. My mom.

 1174. Nick.

 1175. Cory.

 1176. Bob.

 1177. Kendall.

 1178. Brock.

 1179. Kadee.

 1180. Nick and Kadee's daughter.

 1181. Alisha.

 1182. Noel.

 1183. Ellie.

 1184. Cory and Alisha's unborn child of unknown gender.

 1185. Holly.

 1186. Brooklyn.

 1187. Elise.

 1188. Megan.

 1189. Lots of other people.

I was really trying to make this list, but I am super tired. I started it this morning. I was busy. Then I am tired. If you aren't on this list, don't freak out. I understand. I am grateful for you.

Thanks.

"You rarely win"

Atticus Finch is a great man. He really would be, if he were real. He knows what courage is. I have read To Kill a Mockingbird at least a billion times. There is a simple quote that really gets me.

"Courage is not a man with a gun in his hand. It's knowing you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win…"

People have seen me persist at one thing. I have been told that it is hopeless. I have been told that my time is not being spent well; that (to use a TKAM reference) Tom Robinson cannot be saved, so why even try? Honestly, until tonight, I never thought of myself as a courageous person. I mean I have always hoped that I was brave, but I didn't know. However, I am.

I knew from the beginning that I was licked. I knew it. There was no denying it. Tom was as good as dead as soon as Mayella Ewell asked him into her yard. But I did it anyway. Why? Because Atticus knew what he was talking about.

"You rarely win, but sometimes you do."

Successful holidays (so far)

I'm picky when it comes to music. I am pretty easy going, but there are certain standards that I feel everyone should follow, like listening to country music only on February 30 or destroying any trace of the Monster Mash. One thing that a lot of people don't seem to agree with me about and that is waiting until after Thanksgiving to celebrate Christmas. I just say one holiday at a time (and if feel the urge to change my opinion on the subject, I will feel the urge to delete your comment(s)).

This holiday season has been really great. Thanksgiving is on Thursday and I have hardly had to deal with the Christmas problem. I am really happy because I completely avoided the Monster Mash this Halloween, so I am shooting for a perfect season. And I have been successful so far. So please, just wait until Black African American Friday (that was close).

Oh, and:

Just so y'all know

I am a catch. Let us be realistic in this scenario. I am all around a great guy.




So that's why all the girls like me (that bit was sarcastic (and also ironic, because one would assume that because I am so great, they would like me (which is also why I made sure you knew I was being sarcastic (which was definitely a necessity)))).

Personally

I usually don't do personality tests. And when I do, I don't tell people about them. But I found one here and it was simply asking your favorite kind of pie (I'm assuming because that's what I did). This is so similar to me it's hard not to share.
You Are Pumpkin Pie
You're the perfect combo of uniqueness and quality.
You're able to relate to many types of people with many different tastes. But you're by no means generic or
   ordinary. In fact, you're one of the most original people around.
Those who like you are looking for something (or someone) special.
You tend to confuse people when they first meet you. But you're not as complicated as you seem.
Even though you have a lot of spice and flavor to you, you're never overpowering.
You are a calm and comforting force in people's lives.

it's over!

I liked a girl a lot. But no more. Sure, I might be saying this:

But at least I am happy in the reference section. So girls, look out, cause

I am not really a USB dongle goblin.

But I am not a real threat, cause let's be honest, this is basically my life:

171 hours

Not much better than before. I'm doing the right thing, right?

It would help if it weren't impossible.

The Celibate Life

I spent two years, one month and eight days. I was invested in, let's say, stock. For 13.4% of my life and 76.2% of my high school career, I was invested. Granted, I was not fully invested, but it was at the lowest a 90% investment in this cause. I thought, you know, I will ride this to the end and by then, I will for sure have something to show. 

But as the days, weeks, months, and years passed, my confidence, like anyone's would, waned. The stock was not increasing. Like a lifeless body, the measurements were flatlined. No money gained. Today the stock market closed and although the stock was where it always was, when I got a special report, it felt it was at an all-time low.

So I am pulling out. One thing that I learned is that if something doesn't change for two years, one month and eight days, it probably will not. When the market opens next, let the record show that Wyatt Duclos is not and will not be invested anywhere. The stock market is not my place. I've tried and failed on the small scale, never at 90% or even 75% and not for so long. However, this was, as they say, the final nail in the coffin. Fully invested for two years and one month and eight days and all I have to show for it is what I put in.
Every shooting star. Every fallen eyelash. Every 11:11. All my wishes for the past two years, one month and 8 days was for the stock to go up. All my wishes were for her to like me back. Today is the day I realize that none of my wishes will ever come true. And that's what makes it so hard.

There you go. I, Wyatt Duclos, give up. Thank you, world, for teaching me the lesson that I can do all that is possible and nothing will happen. That works out great.

I guess I am an idiot

My mouth kept moving and my brain is just thinking, "Who told you to say that?!" Sometimes I just hate my action-first style. It really shows how dumb I am.

Yeah I haven't been posting

Sorry. Kind of a crazy few weeks. ACT and end of term and filming football games and starring in a minor film and you know, I was a little tired of doing stuff. Like writing a blog. But I am back now. I am going to do what I can to start my mission papers. I am really excited for school and stuff. Also, I may be getting a car soon, so that is just the best. Right now I am texting a beautiful girl and watching Young Frankenstein with my parents.

I don't really know how to update you. Basically all my friends who never had a serious relationship are all getting into somewhat serious relationships and I am just 3rd (or 5th or 7th or 9th) wheeling. So that is great. Dear all the girls in the world, I promise I am not as bad as everyone says. They just see me when I am drunk or hung over, which is the only time I am mean. Basically I am nice when I am asleep.

Now my blog is trying to make you think I am crazy

I swear the count was way down yesterday. I promise.

Seriously though

This is the absolute worst. So dumb! Just all my page views from the last two years: gone. I am ticked off.

Apparently

I only have two page views. This is not an acceptable glitch.

I don't know why

But I get hurt more from two hours of ice skating than a lifetime of backfield sports. Football, Frisbee, soccer. I never needed a bandaid and I never still hurt the next day. And the weird part is the worst injury has nothing to do with the fact that I fell. Some people just got all the moves.

As far as young ladies are concerned

I won't be thinking about you until I am twenty. Sorry 'bout that.

That's it

I am going on a mission. Submitting my papers in 118 days!



This school year will be so long.

Football

Lost my voice. Dead tired. Watching high school football is the greatest sports experience. Plus beating Lone Peak and becoming first in our region always brightens any situation.

You know those times

I never had something happen to me before in my life, but now I think it has happened four times over. Ironic, this predicament.

I don't understand

I am an easy going guy. I don't often dislike something. As of now, I have no enemies or anything. I have a couple things I don't like. Among those are two things: country music and non-Christian Christmas music from January to the day after Thanksgiving.

Apparently that is unacceptable. It's not that I try to impose my beliefs on the matter on the whole world. I just prefer that if someone is with me and they refuse to turn off that kind of music, I prefer not to listen. 

Apparently I am a jerk for that. Apparently just because I don't want to listen to that, I am the worst human being on the planet. I feel that I have a right to live my life how I want. It's not like I am killing people or something, but I feel so judged.

So I don't care anymore. Go ahead and hate me for it. It is my choice, and really it's not that horrible of a choice.

What I would like

Lots of people say, "I don't care if I am asked to a dance or not." Honestly, I care if I get asked. In fact, I want to get asked. Really, I have never not wanted to go. Even when I say I don't mind, I do. So girls, ask me. Because I am one yelp of a date and super cute to boot. Thanks-
W.R. Duclos




Pathetic, but I don't give a crap. I am so sick of being an afterthought.

H-omecoming

PG football makes me lose my voice. I yelled so loud today at the football game against Lehi. 45-11? Yeah, we destroyed. Tomorrow is the Homecoming dance. I am going with Kirsten Marquis. She is super awesome. Really. I cleaned a car today for four hours. Free of charge. I realized that I will never fall in love with my sister, Nicole. I love soccer. But I love American rules football best. Did I mention we destroyed? I was the fan of the game for my senior Homecoming where we destroyed Lehi. I got a plaque and everything. So great. I really like this girl, but I don't think she likes me back. She could, though. Good news, I think at least five sophomore girls are in love with me, though. Being the oldest at school sucks. I really love football.

School

According to my councilor, I am basically a shoe-in for any school I want to go to. Chill with me.

Chess

The #1 reason why I suck at chess: I have no idea what I'm doing, and I can't be precise or quick, but I can't be patient and long lasting. I am just in the awkward sucking middle. So maybe I'm not talking chess. Who cares? Ah.

That moment

When you are feeling queasy for no reason and the longer it lasts the worst it gets. When it is almost unbearable, the thought that you have invested so much, only to get a clear sign of failure. The moment when just as you give up hope, it works out. And you're happy again. And you think it's ridiculous that you ever were scared to begin with.











That moment kills me.

All I am going to say on the matter

I want to say lots of things. Like a ton of stuff. But this is all I will say: If Utah wins, I won't be a jerk. If BYU wins and you are a jerk to me, you forfeit yourself to my fists. Because I am seriously so sick of  crap from people just because I am a Utah fan. I would say more, but I won't.

I am not the best best friend

So I am getting my wisdom teeth out in an hour. I scheduled this appointment a while ago. But then I found out that today is special. Today is not a great day to get my wisdom teeth out. Because today is Nicole Tucker's birthday. To make it up to her, I am writing this blogpost. Happy birthday, Nicole.

Nicole, you are one of my best friends. Really, I never expected it. We never necessarily saw the other as a potential friend until suddenly, then we were best friends. It's funny how that worked out. I guess it just goes to show that no matter how different we seem, we are just like our older brothers (though, I hope they didn't jokingly flirt as much as we do, because that would be creepy). Thank you for everything. Sometimes I look back on my life and think of what I wish had gone different, but then I realize I wouldn't ever want to change anything, because all that was necessary to lead me to you. I will forever be there for you. I am sorry I will be drugged up on your birthday, but you know us druggies have got to get our fix sometimes. Anyway, have the best day. You are awesome. Thank you for everything. Here are a few cheap birthday presents:

A Poem

(Haiku)

I love to see her.

A sister of my spirit,

My Nicole Tucker.

They're coming out

I am getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow. I will prolly try to go to the football game after. People say I am crazy. I say I am dedicated.

I am not a hipster

Awkward situation: People at school may think I am a hipster. Here are the reasons why:

• I have a MacBook Air.
• I like Indie music.
• I often either have a really nice camera or a guitar with me in the halls of the school.
• I kind of have a mullet.
• I wear thick frame glasses that appear to not be prescribed.
• I make videos.

But the thing is, all these are just coincidences. Let me explain.

• I have a MacBook Air because I make videos and it was the best option for me. 

• I do just like Indie music, but not to be different. I like it because the music that is popular is crap.  

•  I have a camera for the same reason why I have a computer. And the guitar is for guitar class. 

• I just need to get my hair cut and the back of my head is long. 

•  They were the cheapest ones I could find. Plus they fit perfectly to my face. And they are my prescription. 

• I am a pro video maker. I don't do it to be "creatively independent" or something like that.

I get my wisdom teeth out Friday. I have a full scheduled weekend afterward. Fuuuuun. I am tired and need to sleep soon.

First Senior Year School Project

View Grave robbery and over 3,000,000 other topics on Qwiki.

Night Visions

I went to a concert. For Imagine Dragons. And got their album. Three days early. It is great.

You can't stop the school of rock!!!

I started guitar class this semester. Every class period ends with me wishing I was JB. Yes, you read that right. Some people give him a hard time, because of his overall appearance and his lack of appreciation in some social circles, but I always want to be as awesome at guitar as Jack Black (who did you think I was talking about?). So I always crave watching the school of rock. Which I am doing now. Seriously so great.
Also I have a burning desire to replicate Jukebox Hero. Long story.

Hung Over
The School of Rock at MOVIECLIPS.com

One of those nights

In the past hour and forty minutes, my computer life just kind of fell apart. Not feeling happy.

Things I did today

Well, it was a busy one.

• I started out helping Nicole answer Trevor to Homecoming. I did that basically all day. She wanted me to stall him. I didn't really need to, but I accidentally did anyway. 
• Then I had some school. 
• I made a survey on if people in my Medical English class had robbed graves and why. It will be a hit.
• I felt a kinship to Newton and Aristotle and Galileo as we discussed them in Chemistry.
• I filmed some Student Council kids during third period and after school. 
• During lunch I made grilled-cheese panini for two girls that I never, ever thought would be at my house eating my food, Nicole Tucker and Kaylee Whiteley. 
• I told a story for Open Mic in Radio that technically happened to my best friend (but I said it happened to me).
• I fell asleep in my front yard in a chair that was waaaaay too close to the trash (I was too lazy to move it).
• I got picked up by Nicole and Annysela Medrano and we went to Buffalo Wild Wings.
• I did the Blazin' Challenge at BWW for On Campus. The challenge is eating 12 of their hottest (about 300,000 Scoville Heat Units) wings (bone in) within 6 minutes without any drinks and you cannot wipe your face.
• I cried while doing said challenge.
• I dominated said challenge in a beautiful 3 minutes 46 seconds.
• I washed my hands really well, but not well enough because in the car I rubbed my eye and basically burned it to a crisp.
• I went to DI and purchased the book A Thousand Splendid Suns for $2.00.
• My "friends" Nicole and Nini talked about how hot guys were and made me really uncomfortable.
• I helped Nicole really answer Trevor with a giant pair of pants on his windshield.
• I was the mascot (which incidentally is not the best thing to be after downing 12 wings and drinking milk which you can't fully digest).
• I watched PG dominate Provo 41-7.
• I went to McDonald's with Trevor and Nicole.
• I got home and edited a video to show my parents what I did this afternoon (the challenge).
• I texted this really great and awesome friend of mine who I didn't really get to see today, Maren Parsons.
• I blogged.

So you could say I have been a little busy. That is literally nothing of my whole day. I got random texts throughout the day talking about eating pants (in the Spanish language, no less) and I also witnessed the craziest fight I've ever seen at school.

It was a near champion day, I'd say.

The face of complete joy .02 seconds before the face of gut-retching pain. Love it.

I've been blogging a lot lately

Not a problem. I just barely got my first video ever on the school televisions. It makes me pretty happy.

"I'm totally bummed school is happening again this year."

It is my last year of school. I am nervous. Not. I am scared. Not. I am stressed. Not. It will be The Dark Knight Rises. Batman Begins was sophomore year. Nervous. Afraid that it wouldn't work. Then comes along junior year with The Dark Knight. Fun, lots of work, but still fun. Then finally, the pièce de résistance; the final chord: senior year. The year before set it up for a great cliffhanger. So here are the first few moments of moments of senior year. And they look promising.

It gets worse.

You guys probably have figured out that I am a hopeless romantic. And it gets worse. I have liked a girl for two years. And it's getting worse. Everything she says, every picture I see, she gets better.  The more in love I become. The more evident my "hopeless" factor becomes. The worse it gets.

Google it

To the eight people who found my blog via google searching: whyitswyatt.blogspot.com, good work. You found it.

I got it.

I have always wanted to not be the weirdo. I know I am not always that bad, but I almost always alienate myself from those around me unintentionally. I have always wanted to be part of the group, even for a few hours.
I think tonight was the first time I wasn't random, weird or nerdy. It was pretty great. If you don't already know me, one of the biggest features I have is also one of the things I hate most about myself: I make neurological connections quickly and vastly. Like in one second the phrase "ice cream" might cause this mental flow:

1. Ice cream to Ice cream cone
2. Ice cream cone to double ice cream cone
3. Double ice cream cone to Mr. Bean
4. Mr. Bean to Rowan Atkinson
5. Rowan Atkinson to Matt Smith
6. Matt Smith to Doctor Who
7. Doctor Who to season premiere of Doctor Who
8. Season premiere of Doctor Who to August 24
9. August 24 to school
10. School to English
11. English to To Kill a Mockingbird

Then I would say something about To Kill a Mockingbird. That is why everyone thinks I am random. I am not random, I just think quickly and highly efficiently. Tonight though, I managed to stay myself without revealing that someone saying something about frozen dairy reminded me of a 1930's southern Alabama lawyer's six-year-old daughter.
I had a really great time. I went to Taco Amigo and ran into Maren and Spencer and Alyssa and Aubrey. We ate until they kicked us out and then we dropped Aubrey and Alyssa off at home and went to Nicole's house to say hi. I was not weird.
I loved it. I didn't realize I did it until now, but I got exactly what I wanted. Even though people say "be yourself" and "normal is lame," I really enjoyed myself. I didn't ever get those awkward pauses after I tell a joke that others don't get. I wasn't completely normal; I still talked like Sean Connery for a while. I did throw in a Star Wars reference. I did get one slightly awkward pause. But I was exactly the person I want to be. It was great.

Come fly with me

It was the perfect two hours to end the perfect final summer. Next time I don't have school, I won't have to go back. I will not be a child. I will not be relaxed. Next summer summer turns into another season. It won't mean freedom. It won't represent a time where people can't oppress us. It will be the beginning of the rest of our lives. And I don't want it. I don't want this summer to end. Today was honestly the first full, real day of summer for me. Now it is over. And now I am two semesters away from never being a kid again. I don't want it. I want to be here forever.
I just realized why Wendy flew out of that window with Peter. She didn't want the magic to end. Now I wish I could fly away from adulthood forever. I could stand being a kid for the rest of eternity. I don't want to leave this sense of freedom behind. I want to be a kid and never an adult. But that won't happen, so here we go.

I am ALWAYS right

I am always right. I have always had my opinion when it comes to just about everything. And often people say I am not right. And often I admit that I probably am. But I am always right. I am not saying this to brag or to impress or even tell you to listen to me, but I am awesome because I am so impressively right, so you should always listen to me. Haha. I am a crack up. Sorry. Anyway, seriously, I am correct in every way. Just know, it sucks. Also, because I am always right: I will become a rich author and film director, I will marry the most perfect girl and I will eventually use a jetpack.

Answers

I had a rough night. Just one where you kind of lose faith in yourself. One where you realize that you are not as good as you thought you were. I read a scripture during my study session that I just had to share:

 9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities...for when I am weak, then am I strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

The Lord does what he can to make our lives as good as possible. The Lord helps us.

Two Hundredth Post!

This is the post of two hundred. I am pretty happy right now, because I am sitting down, not working, and just relaxing. It is amazing. I don't know who I should ask to Homecoming. Should I ask that one girl, or just a friend? Will she want to go with me or would it suck because she would rather go with someone else? Is there someone who wants to go with me that I could ask but don't know about? It's just…you know. I know who I want to ask, but I don't know if I should. It's just the worst.

I would rather just fly out on the Millennium Falcon. 

199

Well then.

Explosion

I have a lot of thoughts going through my head right now. It's kind of hard to handle. I read something once that always tells me what to do when my life is falling apart. Here is the quote:

"I love sleep. My life has a tendency to fall apart when I am awake, you know?"

So off to bed I am.

Surprise, I'm a nerd

Not surprising. BUT. I do realize you guys aren't nerds. So I set up some tabs up above. So ask some questions if you have any about things you don't know about. Like Schrodinger's Cat or the ten dimensions or Richard Parker.

A Favorite.

“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.”

-Albert Einstein

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

It's a day where:
I spent the first three hours watching for shooting stars (12:00-3:00 AM)
I slept in (I was supposed to wake up at 9:00 I woke up at 9:30)
I missed breakfast (I slept in).
I went to presidency meeting.
I went to church (11:00-2:00).
I had three hotdogs.
I will have mission prep class (3:00-3:58).
I have a meeting with the bishop (Which scares me a little (4:00)).
I have a Stake Youth Committee meeting (4:15).

Nerves.

I might be a little nervous to be in charge of editing a weekly school television show.
I might be a little nervous about the possibility of a girl liking me.
I might be a little nervous about buying my new frames.
I might be a little nervous that I am totally wrong about everything while I think that I am totally right.
I might be a little nervous that I won't live up to the expectations of everyone.
Mostly, I am nervous that I won't succeed.

"The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark."
Michelangelo

Well I doubt I'm aiming too low. That is what makes me nervous.

That's me for you

It's weird. I am prolly the only guy who loves cooking, writing, calculating, filming, editing, computing, socializing, hiking & camping, scientifically researching, and religious pursuits. I have sooooo many things that I just love. I spent the last hour looking at recipes. I have a blog. I (I can't believe I am about to say this) sometimes enjoy math. I not only love filming/directing, I love studying from the greats. I get in a mode when I edit and I do things I never thought possible. I love computers (I know that isn't what computing means) and I could not imagine what would replace their spot in my heart if they were to just disappear off the face of the earth. I am a social tornado. I am no social butterfly because really that would mean I am graceful. More like a social duck. I am a social duck, but I love it. I have spent so much time living outdoors that I am just as comfortable sleeping in a windstorm as I am in my bed (though the bed is a lot less of a challenge). Then hiking…well if I loved hiking any more I would prolly have to drop out of school to satisfy my needs. I love science. Biology is my pride. Biotechnology is my favorite. I spend my free time pondering stuff like this. When I become famous for my writing, it will be a science fiction novel (then of course I will become famous for directing the film based on my book). Lastly, I have my religion, which is my life. Really, I love studying to become a missionary, which is what I will prolly do once I finish this post. That is what W.R. Duclos means.

 

One of those days

When you are sitting there enjoying your Cream of Wheat and your nose is suddenly a fountain of blood and you cover your favorite bacon shirt in your own blood and you don't even realize anything is happening for a few seconds. Then you realize it will be one of those days where everything is just going wrong and you have no control of it.

I'm just really tired.

I realized that my blog is kind of suckish because I am blogging in a very not-other-people-understanding type of way. So here is something better. I have been working and stuff all summer. And I realized something: my summer will not be a vacation. Really, I think I will be just as tired every day for the rest of the summer as I will during the school year. Which kind of sucks. But I am just really tired, so I hope I can feel better later.

Greatness

All you should watch is from 1:55 on.


I have recently been contemplating what makes a great man. I think I figured it out. A great man is he who does what he needs in order to succeed, but in a way that will help (or at least not hurt) other people.
My good friend, Josh, recently had a testing experience. He had received a very revealing piece of evidence to show the true nature of one of his enemies' character. He had recently gotten the upper hand on this person and it would have been very reasonable to share this information, thus crushing the enemy beneath him on his rise to the victor's cup. As Winston Churchhill once said, "Great and good are seldom the same man." I would like to add to what he says. Great and good are seldom the same man, but when it happens a legend is born. Well Josh is a legend.
Greatness is not a mean, it is an end. Some say to be great is to be misunderstood and I agree with that to a point. But true, Christlike greatness cannot be misunderstood, because all men know what it is: complete and utter righteousness.
So like Josh, or Malcolm Reynolds, or Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez, we must strive to be. Because greatness, true greatness, makes legends. And that is pretty legen(wait for it)dary. Legendary.

"What a catch."

I don't think I have told you this, but I have a great friend that I just started to really get to know. We have become friends this summer. Her name is Nicole Tucker. She is great.

Today was a bummer day. Sentenced to paying for my own lunch because my mom found out I had money followed by tool running (getting tools for my dad while he fixes cars (which happens to be a lifelong activity for me)) and then the dreadful, "How does your room look right now?" Cleaning for hours was bad enough, mixed with washing a dirty car, but finally it was the evening and I could hang out with someone. 

Psych. Everyone was busy. Literally everyone I talked to had something they were doing that they couldn't include me in. A date. Family time. Girl's night (and if I get so much as one sarcastic comment regarding my ability to attend such social gatherings, I will kill the commentator). I was stuck at home on one of those nights where home is the last place you want to be. 

Confined to my lazy chair on my front lawn, watching Homestar Runner videos on YouTube (what does this mean?), with the night approaching 10:00 PM, I knew that there was little hope to salvage my evening. How wrong I was.

Nicole, the friend I mentioned earlier, back from her date that started at 5:00 (who does that?), asked me if I wanted to accompany her to Men In Black III. I readily accepted her merciful offer. 

We got to the theater and the people we were with had a hard time discussing logistics. I then realized that our evening may not be spent at the theater. Of course, that caused me to jump in line to get popcorn (I love theater corn, any way I can get it). After placing my order for the smallest corn, the smallest drink, and the smallest Swedish Fish, I was made aware that we were indeed seeing MIBIII. 

Cue Nicole joining me. I had just pulled out my wallet to pay for my refreshments when she says, "Do you want to make this a date so I don't have to pay?"

Some people. I said yes, of course, and paid an extra $3.50 for her ticket. I made her laugh every two seconds, so you can understand why our friendship is so great. The movie was very impractical, but that's beside the point. It was a great night. One of the best I have had in a while.

One more thing. One of the most legen(wait for it)dary things that has ever happened to me happened tonight. No, I am still VL. Yes, I was complimented on my good looks, but that was not momentous. No, I did not kill a man. Stop guessing and let me speak. I found out someone hates me. Because I don't slander, I will not reveal the name in a public area such as this. It was literally one of the moments of my life when I found out. All my guilt and any sentiment I had for being a jerk was wiped clean when I realized this person was just as guilty, if not more so, as me. 

For months (seriously, months) I felt as I would imagine a conspiracy theorist feels: There is a huge lie and everyone believes it besides me. It got to a point where I almost believed the lie. It got to a point where I looked at my own perspective as saw that I had been biased and unruly in my judgement. I never gave in all the way. The world had me convinced that at least a portion of my mind was that of the bad guy.

Then I was informed that what I didn't abandon for the security of falsehood turned out to be the truth. And even though a majority of the world still bought into it, a few people saw the light. But I still was convinced that the other person, the one who hates me(:)) was the better person. That they didn't dislike me for the very valid and fair reasons that I couldn't stand them for. But then from their own words I realized that I was right. I was not crazy. I was the good guy the whole time. Not a bad guy at all.

So when I say that finding out someone hating me is legen(wait for it)dary, realize that it literally was one of the best things that could ever happen to me. I think I will sleep guilt free for the first time since last October.