Good news!

Well, the shrew has spoken! An anonymous girl (or extremely confused guy) has decided to leave this humdinger of a comment:

So glad jerks read my blog and feel compelled to look at it even though doing so might change their sexual preferences! So, for that lucky anonymous hermaphrodite, I make a promise:

I, Wyatt Russell Duclos, solemnly swear that I will do all that is in my power to upload as many pictures of me in my suit as I possibly can. This is a promise made in the understanding that doing so will eliminate trolls from trolling on my blog or cause such trolls to change their sexual preference (which is imagined to be a negative prospect). Most importantly, I intend to prove that pictures of me will not change the sexually preference of viewers (it will not change for women because I am so good looking and it will not change for men because, honestly, I am not that good looking).

I would also like to publicly tell whoever commented that that they are not forced to read my blog (and if they are they need to call the police because that is not a healthy thing to force someone to do). Seriously though, if you are reading my blog and being a jerk, just stop reading. I write this for myself, not for your needs and wants. I don't care what you want or don't want me to post. To quote a friend of mine, 

You should know: this is my blog.

Not yours. Not the kid-next-door's. Not my mom's.
I'm gonna post about whatever I want to post about.
The good, the bad, the ugly and all that jazz.
Don't like it? Don't read it.

So learn to either stop doing something you don't like doing anyway or learn to shut up because your trolling isn't wanted.

Just for you, you little sloop.

I just don't know what to do

I hate this guy. I really have never seen one thing I like about him. I want to not hate him, but I can't. I can't find one thing I like. I don't know what to do. Advice?

I guess I am just different?

I really don't feel like living through a certain date is that important. I feel like I am the only one. Or maybe I just don't have a high school level personality. I am just more mature or something. But keep in mind that you did live during 12/12/12 at 12:12:12 AM and PM, so did 6,973,738,433 other people. So congratulations. You participated in a world wide event of living for two limits by a human clock that are unusual because of the way the are numbered.

Successful holidays (so far)

I'm picky when it comes to music. I am pretty easy going, but there are certain standards that I feel everyone should follow, like listening to country music only on February 30 or destroying any trace of the Monster Mash. One thing that a lot of people don't seem to agree with me about and that is waiting until after Thanksgiving to celebrate Christmas. I just say one holiday at a time (and if feel the urge to change my opinion on the subject, I will feel the urge to delete your comment(s)).

This holiday season has been really great. Thanksgiving is on Thursday and I have hardly had to deal with the Christmas problem. I am really happy because I completely avoided the Monster Mash this Halloween, so I am shooting for a perfect season. And I have been successful so far. So please, just wait until Black African American Friday (that was close).

Oh, and:

Google it

To the eight people who found my blog via google searching: whyitswyatt.blogspot.com, good work. You found it.

"What a catch."

I don't think I have told you this, but I have a great friend that I just started to really get to know. We have become friends this summer. Her name is Nicole Tucker. She is great.

Today was a bummer day. Sentenced to paying for my own lunch because my mom found out I had money followed by tool running (getting tools for my dad while he fixes cars (which happens to be a lifelong activity for me)) and then the dreadful, "How does your room look right now?" Cleaning for hours was bad enough, mixed with washing a dirty car, but finally it was the evening and I could hang out with someone. 

Psych. Everyone was busy. Literally everyone I talked to had something they were doing that they couldn't include me in. A date. Family time. Girl's night (and if I get so much as one sarcastic comment regarding my ability to attend such social gatherings, I will kill the commentator). I was stuck at home on one of those nights where home is the last place you want to be. 

Confined to my lazy chair on my front lawn, watching Homestar Runner videos on YouTube (what does this mean?), with the night approaching 10:00 PM, I knew that there was little hope to salvage my evening. How wrong I was.

Nicole, the friend I mentioned earlier, back from her date that started at 5:00 (who does that?), asked me if I wanted to accompany her to Men In Black III. I readily accepted her merciful offer. 

We got to the theater and the people we were with had a hard time discussing logistics. I then realized that our evening may not be spent at the theater. Of course, that caused me to jump in line to get popcorn (I love theater corn, any way I can get it). After placing my order for the smallest corn, the smallest drink, and the smallest Swedish Fish, I was made aware that we were indeed seeing MIBIII. 

Cue Nicole joining me. I had just pulled out my wallet to pay for my refreshments when she says, "Do you want to make this a date so I don't have to pay?"

Some people. I said yes, of course, and paid an extra $3.50 for her ticket. I made her laugh every two seconds, so you can understand why our friendship is so great. The movie was very impractical, but that's beside the point. It was a great night. One of the best I have had in a while.

One more thing. One of the most legen(wait for it)dary things that has ever happened to me happened tonight. No, I am still VL. Yes, I was complimented on my good looks, but that was not momentous. No, I did not kill a man. Stop guessing and let me speak. I found out someone hates me. Because I don't slander, I will not reveal the name in a public area such as this. It was literally one of the moments of my life when I found out. All my guilt and any sentiment I had for being a jerk was wiped clean when I realized this person was just as guilty, if not more so, as me. 

For months (seriously, months) I felt as I would imagine a conspiracy theorist feels: There is a huge lie and everyone believes it besides me. It got to a point where I almost believed the lie. It got to a point where I looked at my own perspective as saw that I had been biased and unruly in my judgement. I never gave in all the way. The world had me convinced that at least a portion of my mind was that of the bad guy.

Then I was informed that what I didn't abandon for the security of falsehood turned out to be the truth. And even though a majority of the world still bought into it, a few people saw the light. But I still was convinced that the other person, the one who hates me(:)) was the better person. That they didn't dislike me for the very valid and fair reasons that I couldn't stand them for. But then from their own words I realized that I was right. I was not crazy. I was the good guy the whole time. Not a bad guy at all.

So when I say that finding out someone hating me is legen(wait for it)dary, realize that it literally was one of the best things that could ever happen to me. I think I will sleep guilt free for the first time since last October. 

Paper for English

I really couldn't stand my English teacher. Or his writing prompts. Do animals feel pain? Yeah, I wasn't going to BS another paper. Here it is, unedited.

He is correct, I did not present a whole story. But I sure as heck made him look dumb.

Jealousy?

I was a little jealous of my friend tonight. He isn't that attractive (I am just guessing here, I have no idea how to judge guys). But really there is a girl who is super pretty who has a crush on himm. I kind of had a pity party for myself. Why do girls not like me? What is wrong with me?

It's simple to admit that I am not that good looking, nice, or even funny. Often I am just a total spaz. But all my brothers are married or have at least had a girlfriend. I just suck, I guess. I must be so unique, I am not even a high school student.

And in reality, I hardly hang out with people my age, relatively speaking. I could handle myself around 20-30 year old people just as well as any teenagers. I don't act like anyone else. I am like what a hipster dreams of being (only I am no hipster). 

I am special because no one else has to be like me. I was the one who was burdened with being this opinionated, rude, smart, smart mouthed, and girl crazy. I am not a catch, but I definitely am something. If girls are fishers, I am not a fish. I am like a rare 1800's flintlock pistol floating in the sea. Cool, unique, fun, funny to tell stories about, but in the end I will probably be thrown back without much regard (because for the most part, girls don't know much about guns). 

So I am no fish. I am just a spaz. But that is why I will be famous and you will have a girlfriend. 

See?

I must be pretty fetching great then.

I can be passive aggressive

I have an English teacher who I less than like. He told us to write a paper answering a question: How long does one wait before eating Peeps? He deeply implied that he wanted the focus to be patience, but he never expressed it, just implied it. I am such a snairch.

A Philosophical Journey Through and To Peeps

Throughout human history, man has strived for one thing above almost anything else: food. This quest, once it became a constant, transformed into a journey to find the most decadent flavors possible. Man found sugar, one of the most prized palette tantalizers ever to be consumed. Through thousands of years of refinement, mankind created a substance unbeknownst to the world: the marshmallow. A creature under extreme scrutiny, the lowly sugar confectionary sought a higher state of being. In the year of 1953 A.D, 1100 years after the birth of the marshmallow and 2800 years after the use of sugar in diets, the two products melded into one final definitive creation: Peeps. 

It has been stated that, although the candy Peeps is delicious in its own right, one must wait a certain amount of time to properly enjoy these heaven sent creations. To these soothsayers and concubines one must say, “Nay!” Since man first roamed the earth thousands of years ago, he has been striving for the ultimate of ultimates: the one delicacy to rule them all. Through the refiner’s fire only one treat has made it: Peeps. Why, therefore, should man wait another few days to enjoy the ambrosia that for so long stayed out of man’s reach? Who are we, the product of generations of struggling mortals, striving for this holy grail, who are we to hold our noses up for any longer than we must? In what world does this ignorance do justice to those who never had the opportunity to enjoy this manufactured goodness? Not the world where you would like to live. To the people who depreciate the value of instant sugar covered goodness, I say, “NO MORE!” We must immediately plunge into the heavenly velvet, the manna from heaven, in order to truly do justice to our ancestors. The instant that seal breaks, we must do more that sit idly by. We must take action. This is my plea. Amen.

If you had a pig nose, I'd hate you

There is a really horrible movie called Penelope. I hate it because it was a horrible movie. Flat out. I did not have a good night last night. It started with me hoping a certain girl would be at the PG varsity basketball game. One tragic defeat to the gay pioneers (gay because they are purple) and a migraine later, I was let with nothing but disappointment. Cue horrible movie.
I went to Carley Sturgis' house to watch Disturbia. The funny thing about wanting to watch a movie is that it is almost impossible to do so without a copy of it. Without a copy of Disturbia, I was hoping that we could watch the amazing football film, Rudy. We decided to leave the suspense and action genre to a much more, I'd say, crappy genre: romance. My migraine hated it more than the rest of me and told me by hurting even more.
Here is something that I found out when I am forced to watch a film that I am not interested in while having a migraine: I get very sarcastic and find joy in angering people. I entertained myself with the reactions to: pig noises, fake excitement at an especially cheesy (or as the other viewers would say, "romantic") scene, and multiple comments about the predictability and stupidity of the film. Remember that although I was being a jerk, I was in a load of pain.
So that is how my night went. If you are jealous it is only because you were in a car crash which resulted in you getting every appendage and the loss of feeling and nerve function in all of you, because I am pretty sure that that would be the only thing worse.


My head hurt really badly.

Work? Work is fun.

I work at a place called tamsolutions. I started working there back when Brock worked there and stopped working there at the beginning of the school year, with a few hundred dollars stuck in the bank. That money ran out last month. So back to work I go.
The money I am currently earning in going towards Sweethearts. I am very happy working. I come home with a grey shirt that started out as white. My snot is grey for days afterward (sorry, TMI). My head aches right now and it may be from the dust (it may also be because I've been awake since 4:00 this morning). I am so excited for certain activities that I am working for. It will just be the best.

Skills

Here is a little disclaimer. I sound like a jerk because I am. In this particular instance, I felt comfortable enough that I knew what I said wouldn't have detrimental affects. So, keep that in mind.
Last night I was at a party at which we were told to dance. I was slow dancing with a friend of mine who knew I thought she was definitely not ugly. I am pretty good friends with her and after a few comments about how beautiful she looked in her semi-formal wear, I told her very flatly that she was ugly.
Explanation. So, I once was writing on my phone (which I do often) and kind of venting about how I had no tact around a certain girl. As I was writing, I stated that I was so smooth, that I could tell a girl she was ugly and by the end of the conversation have her walking away giggling from my charm. Now, it wasn't a lie, but I didn't know for sure that it was true. So in order to put my mind at ease, I put it to the test. You can't say what I write about myself is a lie.
Now, I must admit that the pure excitement (I feel that is the wrong word) of telling a girl straight to her face that her face was not straight got the better of me for a moment and I slightly lost my tact, but now when I say that I can do what I said I can do, it is true. It is because I have skills. But like the Mythbusters, remember, don't try this at home. I am a professional.

Answers

So I saw that someone had taken a survey. I think I might do the same. But I don't think I will let you read the questions. It might be interesting. I might not actually post this. Here we go.

I attacked a piece of ice with my forehead. First one ever.

I don't think I did do anything. It was not a rememberable one, even though it usually is for people.

I'm pretty excited for the break, but I am not happy because tomorrow is going to last forever.

I went to temple square. I really enjoyed it, even if my phone died while I was reading the statistics of the LDS church.

With my grades I did marginal. With the ladies? Well, ask them (all of them).

My mother bought this one and one with Boba Fett on it. She just gave them to me. So sick.

I see Trevor way too much. I am kind of sick of that dork head.

Too much. Too much money spent.

I want to be the same age as when I first kiss my wife. In other words, I don't care.

Sebenteen. Pretty uneventful.

Laurie, but I don't see what this has to do with me. Some people.

I can tell you this, I did not get enough sleep.

I think it was obvious with my last answer. Come on.

A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief always does it for me. Particularly the final verse. I love that song so much.

Punching things. For example, the other day I was mad so I just punched everything. I tweaked my wrist. I really think I could do something more productive, but it works.

Well, she has to be a girl.

Zombie apocalypse.

I didn't have it. I did eat breakfast food for linner. Egg, turkey, cheese on an English muffin.

Well yeah, but some would say it is irrelevant. Actually, I am kind of in this situation now.

Man of Steel. Question: What steel have you broken?

I was told I was in Canada, but some people might question my parents' motives.

I have not.

You can stab someone with a back? I was unaware.

Assuming by "dated" you meant "been on a date with" then yes, two people. If you mean what you sounded like you meant, I don't steady date.

Atticus Finch. Mentally, of course.

Strangely enough, it was Coach Blaisdell. He is a good guy.

Just mi amigos, Trevor e Kassie.

My mom. Usually I psychically contact them previous to them needing to contact me.

Erin Hardy got the last one because she was accusing me of being too much of a guy. I'm glad I'm on that part of the scale and not near the other end.

Kass the Gassie. Whiner.

Probably Jessie Marquis. Don't worry, I said it after I told her to marry someone else.

In my heart. Just kidding, he lives down the street.

I went to hang out with my Special Needs buddy, David.

SLC Temple baby.

PGHS. Best school in the US.

In the mountains.

I am at the peak of my adolescence. That is the stupidest question you could ask me.

Quantum mechanics. I don't know, so therefore the fact has no definite state of being.

I'm pretty happy with the current state of affairs, although Abraham Lincoln's friend would be interesting to be for a bit.

I think the thought of someone making his entire living off of muffin is pretty impractical, so no.

The future? Oh, I can tell you about the future."

Put two kids in the woods for long enough and either only one comes out or they come out with the same mind.

Apparently the quizzes were all the rave.

Because I needed one that was normal. I would've preferred Stormageddan.

Are you sure I am doing it?

I want to convey thoughts perfectly.

Maybe my shirt I wore in the second grade for photo day.

Stupidest question ever. A jetpack that runs off of oxygen or CO2. Idiots.

Every single one of them.

I usually move if I am trying to run. Impractical.

If I wasn't there wouldn't be much I could do anyway.

To read the questions go here.

"Never let the truth get in the way of a good story."

I am a good liar, which is probably a bad thing. I can lie like Frank Abagnale Jr. But there are a few things that I will not ever lie about. Here they are for your enjoyment.

Truth #1
I will not lie about my weight. Unless my life depends on it, I can't find a reason why it is worth lying about. It's probably because I am a guy.
Truth #2
My religion is something I am simply too proud to lie about. I can never deny my testimony and my Father in Heaven. 
Truth #3
This is the one I wanted to talk about most. I will never lie for a compliment. I compliment people for one reason only: they are worthy of the truth. When I tell someone they are my hero or that a girl is beautiful beyond belief, I am being completely honest. I don't give half-true compliments to people in order to make them feel "better" about themselves. I tell people what I see in them and sometimes keep my mouth shut. 


Honesty is good. I lie too much. I should stop. That's a lie. I think there are some lies I've told that have actually replaced what happened in my memory, so vivid was the lie. In other words, I lie so well I fool myself.

Oh Brother of Mine

Once, back when he played Tee-ball, he let me run the bases with him.

I have five older brothers. I've lived with them from 3 years to 16 years. The age gap goes from 30 (Nick) to 16 (me). My next oldest brother, Brock, is my best friend in the world. He and I are two and a half years apart. He was three grades older than me. Until he went to scout camp for the first time, we had seen each other every day of my life. He and I have many stories together and I love him so much.

All the brothers: (left to right) Nick, Bob, Cory, Kendall and Brock and I are on the floor.

In 36 days, my brother, Brock, will be leaving for two years. He is going to go spread the gospel in Puerto Rico. I will miss him.

As our time together grows to a close, I think of what we have done together:

• The hours of watching The Last Airbender and asking, "Did Jet just…die?"

We grew a watermelon.

• Talking about my "one job" (opening and closing the sunroof whenever we go somewhere).

Us with our oldest niece, Noel.

• Watching Get Smart (the television show) and busting a gut laughing.

• Thanking the guy at Subzero whenever he flips smoke at us.

Awkward picture with Kendall's ex.

• Shooting pool and listening to The Shins.

• Playing ping pong "like Leave It to Beaver."

Picking up Cory from the airport.

• Following the "I cook, you clean" method for Top Ramen, popcorn, and any other food.

• Quoting "To Kill a Mockingbird".

Dropping him off.

• Discussing the gospel.

• Going to the DI and then getting lunch specials.

Shopping at the DI.

• Playing Frogger in the front room (with Evan Kirby's help).

• Sorting Halloween candy and trying to keep our mom from seeing the gum we got.

• Being a nickname duo (Black and White, Brock and Roll and Wyatt the Quiet Riot, Broccoli and Stink Cheese (I was the Stink Cheese), etc.).

In Disneyland with the Robinson Family and the Busby Family (Taft is so fat!).

• Watching Psych and fist bumping.

• Selling popsicles in the summer and him sending me out to "advertise" (I would walk around the block barking like I was on a board walk while he manned the station). I wasn't allowed to eat "the profits".

I really didn't want to get into my suit again.

• Being creeped out by basically anything related to Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask.

• Being confused by random things our dad texts us.

Chilling at Bob's wedding.

• The time I crashed into a car and was rushed to the ER, he rode with me to the hospital and brought the teeth that got knocked out in a cup of milk.

He leaves too soon. I love my brother, but I'm afraid among all these great memories, there is way too much fighting. I regret the lack of love I showed over the years. I love him so much and I know he will be great on in the mission field. There is pain and joy in the past, but there is much hope for the future.

Growing Up

There are very few things that upset me. I quote my friend and scout leader, Corry Cloward, "Wyatt, you have a very long fuse and when it reaches the end, there is not much of an explosion." One thing that upsets me is senseless action, doing something for no reason. A thing that I despise is senseless emotion, feeling a certain way about someone without reason or because of outdated reasons. There are two people in particular (I am very tempted to tell you their names, but I will not) that seem to hate me senselessly. Here is some background:

Person number one is a girl I have known for a while. She and I used to play together when we were little. She is the only girl I'm her family and got anything she wanted. I was the youngest of six boys and the opposite was true of me. She would try to make me do what she wanted and, when I wouldn't conform to her will, she disliked me. Fair enough, for a five year old brat. Now she is almost fifteen and treats me like my scout crew treated the giant spiders in the last post: so disgusted that the only thing you can do is pretend to not see them until you are forced to pay attention enough to smash them. She despises me. She let things that happened almost ten years ago rule her way of thinking and it makes me sad. I wish I knew the friendship that could've developed, if not in past years than more recently. Sure I could've been more Christ-like when I was seven, but I was seven.

Person number two hates me. He tries to run my life and hates almost every decision I make. Some days he pushes me too far. The other day I wrote this:

"[He] has driven me almost to the point of hate. He is so quick to judge me, tries to run my life and is altogether a complete and total jerk to me. I don't understand his logic. I really do try with him. I don't yell at him, I take his taunts and his putdowns without a word against him and I try to forget about what he does to me. It does not work. I could have all the patience in the world and [he] would still wear it down. My only hope is that someday he will actually treat me with human decency." 

I have been thinking about these two people more and more over the past week or so. They are not the first people to hate me or will the be the last. I have had some of my current friends hate me, but I was able to turn them from enemy to friend without too much trouble. I cannot figure out what to do with these two, though. I almost never give up on people, so the thought of not trying to be friends with them seems un-Christ-like to me. But there is nothing active I can do. My mindset now is if I try to be their friend, they will like me. I need to think more along the lines of, "If I continue being as kind as possible to them, I will have no fault. They will be the ones suffering and I will be fine." I love them and want to be their friends, so all I can do is just that: be their friends.

So I guess this is what growing up feels like, eh? It is not as painful as I imagined.

I find my lack of posting disturbing

So I haven't posted in about 8 days. I really need to say some stuff. You may realize in this post how much of a jerk I am.

Thing 1: Vegetarians
I hate vegetarians.

Thing 2: Work
I have worked over 30 hours already and will work 9 hours this weekend. One could measure the height of the little bar down below a cart by the bruises on my legs.

Thing 3: Nazis
I hate them.

Thing 4: Writing
I realized today that if I do not go into a career where I cannot use creative writing, I would hate myself. I will be in English, no matter what. I love it so much and I am (not trying to brag, just state the truth) really good at it. Today in English, for example, we had a test that everyone freaked out about, but I didn't study and did fine. I realized that that is how English has always been for me. I WILL NOT go into a mathematical career.

Thing 5: Secret Blog
I may make a secret blog. You see, I started a blog so I could say things like Thing 1 without people on Facebook crapping their shorts. But there are some things that are just to secret to have connected to Facebook. So I may start a private, secret blog.

Thing 6: Ducks
Those things are such studs, you know?