Jealousy?

I was a little jealous of my friend tonight. He isn't that attractive (I am just guessing here, I have no idea how to judge guys). But really there is a girl who is super pretty who has a crush on himm. I kind of had a pity party for myself. Why do girls not like me? What is wrong with me?

It's simple to admit that I am not that good looking, nice, or even funny. Often I am just a total spaz. But all my brothers are married or have at least had a girlfriend. I just suck, I guess. I must be so unique, I am not even a high school student.

And in reality, I hardly hang out with people my age, relatively speaking. I could handle myself around 20-30 year old people just as well as any teenagers. I don't act like anyone else. I am like what a hipster dreams of being (only I am no hipster). 

I am special because no one else has to be like me. I was the one who was burdened with being this opinionated, rude, smart, smart mouthed, and girl crazy. I am not a catch, but I definitely am something. If girls are fishers, I am not a fish. I am like a rare 1800's flintlock pistol floating in the sea. Cool, unique, fun, funny to tell stories about, but in the end I will probably be thrown back without much regard (because for the most part, girls don't know much about guns). 

So I am no fish. I am just a spaz. But that is why I will be famous and you will have a girlfriend. 

See?

I must be pretty fetching great then.