And mine heart was pained with the iniquities of the people

Now I am not trying to brag or be rude, but don't comment on this saying something like, "You're going to be a great missionary some day." I appreciate what you mean, but honestly, I don't care. I don't care whether or not I am going to be great. I think about Nephi and how he was so amazing and then his cry of "o wretched man that I am! Yea, my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities"seems to apply to my life anymore, so don't tell me any different. Not until I am more righteous than him (which won't happen anytime soon, just so you know).

Nephi says in 2 Nephi 32:7, "...I am left to mourn because of the wickedness, and the ignorance, and the stiffneckedness of men: for they will not search knowledge, nor understand great knowledge, when it is given unto them in plainness, even as plain as word can be."

I think about Lehi and how he would feel in the world today. Because I would think that Jerusalem was not as wicked as even some of the cleanest of cities today. And it makes me sad. I know tons of kids raised in the gospel, who were "given [the truth] in greatness" yet they can't get it! People I love. They don't realize the truth!

I am saddened because I know that they have lost sight of what matters most. They have lost sight of our Savior, Jesus Christ. They get caught up in the "now" and lose sight of the "forever." I honestly don't care about myself. I could go to Hell for all I care if it meant that they finally understood what they are giving up. Because if they did realize, they would never turn away from it. If you really understand the gospel of Christ, you never will forget. Even if you get caught up in sin, you will always have that undeniable truth.

"Oh that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people! Yeah, I would declare unto every soul, as with the voice of thunder, repentance and the plan of redemption, that they should repent and come unto our God, that there might not be more sorrow upon all the face of the earth." (Alma 29:1-2) 

Right now, I feel this plea with all my heart. I look at the deepness and completeness of Satan's grasp and I can't fix a millionth of it. It can't happen because "behold, I am a man." (Alma 29:3) The world is black and dark with the sins of the people. Satan seems to have total control. And he is so implanted. I have been on this earth for eighteen years. I can hardly keep my head above sin for an hour (even in my dreams, I am a sinner). How can I overcome this mammon? How can I overcome the world? I am just one man.

"In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." 

John 16:33

Christ knew how I would be feeling tonight. So much so that He sees even my hopelessness. "Be of good cheer" is said before even the reason. He comforts us first, then tells us why. I have heard this scripture thousands of times, but each time I thought of it as a more personal promise when I have a trial. But really, it is a statement for the small and the large. I don't have to overcome the darkness of the world in my quest to share Christ's gospel. I just need to live as He did so through me He can shake loose the binding hold of Lucifer. 

I know what Moroni did. A person reading Alma 48:17 might think, "Wow, if everyone was like Moroni, Hell would be shaken." I know how we as a people can shake the foundations of Hell: Let Christ work through us. Alone, we are as capable as a toddler trying to fly to the moon, but with Christ, the moon is nothing compared to His capabilities. We cannot even imagine what He has in store. 

As followers of Christ have said before me and will say afterward, the gospel of Christ is true and you cannot even have hope if you don't turn to Him. I love you, but not as much as Christ does. Imagine how much love you can feel and times it by infinity and that is still nothing compared to the love Christ feels for us. Turn to Him. Please. He will not fail you. 

The list

A few days ago I was struggling when it came to my mission call. After all, my best friend is going to freaking Barcelona. Not much compares to that in awesomeness. So I really didn't want to go to a few places. I prayed for help and was inspired to write the list. The list is a list of movies that would fit with any state or country where I could get called. That's 127 movies. And even though I haven't seen all of them, it really made me excited to go anywhere on my mission. Oh and I am not suggesting you use this, just know that I think it's pretty great (but that could be just me). So, without further ado, the list:

It's funny

It's funny how people forget stuff. Like the way things began. Like who cared and who didn't. Like the fact that crap is crap, no matter what you do about it.

Have high standards. Don't flinch. But more than anything else, make your friends have high standards. The phrase, "stand ye in holy places" means more than go where it's holy. You can't always be sitting in the temple lobby. So make it a goal to make where you stand holy because you stood there.

And at the same time, shouldn't that apply to who you stand with? Christ stood among sinners, but not because He liked to sin. He was raising them up. And shouldn't we be the same way? Make your friends have high standards. It's expectations that allow people to go to the enemies side. The devil can go as far as you expect him to go. He is a real threat. He is so powerful. Expect the best. Don't do anything less. Because he is the opposite of God. His only goal is to destroy you. So don't let him. Any person with a body has power over something that does not. So don't give him an inch of your soul. As one of my heroes said, "I will give place no more to the enemy of my soul."

I want to tell you a story

It's about a man who came to earth. To make writing easier, we'll call him Clark. 

Clark was sent because his father, a good and noble man, wanted his son to live a life like himself. 

Clark was taken into a home by parents who wanted a baby boy. They got a son who was going to be strong, but they didn't realize it for a while. As Clark grew, he knew he had certain responsibilities due to traits inherit from his true father, who he had never met. So Clark decided to fulfill what his father had always planned on him doing: protecting and saving the world from total destruction.

Clark was on a planet that wasn't his home. He had parents he loved more than anything, but they weren't his only parents. He got a job as a writer, people around him never realizing how much power he really possessed. But when he heard a cry for help, no matter where he was, he put on his father's mantle and saved those he could. He wasn't perfect, but he tried to be. And it seemed that when he didn't reach his full potential, the shortcomings were made up for him.

At times, although Clark had amazing powers, he felt he needed guidance, guidance from him who truly knew his situation: his father. Luckily, when Clark retreated to his mountain citadel, he was able to gain insights from his first father. This connection was one of the reasons Clark was able to become so great.

Clark had a heart of righteousness and because of his father, he had powers and gifts the world wouldn't understand and some would even reject and scorn. He knew his potential and every day Clark strived to fulfill that potential, because he knew that was the only worthwhile choice. Clark was a super hero, but few ever realized.

This is funny. Because you really think you know who I am talking about. Well get ready to be blown away. This completely true story is not written about a fictional character. It's the story of Wyatt Duclos. I'll change the names and add a couple of words to help make it clearer.

Wyatt was sent because his Heavenly Father, a good and noble man, wanted his son to live a life like himself. 

Wyatt was taken into a home by parents who wanted another baby boy. They got a son who was going to be spiritually strong, but they didn't realize it for a while. As Wyatt grew, he knew he had certain responsibilities due to priesthood powers inherited from his true father, who he had never met. So Wyatt decided to fulfill what his father had always planned on him doing: protecting and saving the world from total spiritual destruction.

Wyatt was on a planet that wasn't his home. He had parents he loved more than anything, but they weren't his only parents. He got a job as a writer, people around him never realizing how much power he really possessed. But when he heard a cry for help, no matter where he was, he put on his father's mantle and saved those he could. He wasn't perfect, but he tried to be. And it seemed that when he didn't reach his full potential, the shortcomings were made up for him.

At times, although Wyatt had amazing powers, he felt he needed guidance, guidance from him who truly knew his situation: his Heavenly Father. Luckily, when Wyatt retreated to his mountain citadel, he was able to gain insights from his first father. This connection was one of the reasons Wyatt was able to become so great.

Wyatt had a heart of righteousness and because of his Heavenly Father, he had priesthood powers and spiritual gifts the world wouldn't understand and some would even reject and scorn. He knew his potential and every day Wyatt strived to fulfill that potential, because he knew that was the only worthwhile choice. Wyatt was a super hero, but few ever realized.

The thing about this is, I am not the only one. Anyone who has the gospel has the same responsibilities and the same gifts. It may seem like bragging that I say that Superman and I are the same person and I guess you're right. Superman never saved souls and neither have I. But I really intend to. I am a huge Superman fan because the story of Superman is the story of any priesthood holding twelve year old or eighty year old. Our Father asks us to be super, but first He made us super. We have His guidance. We have His gifts. We have His power.

I guess we all have a choice. We all have that decision to make: 

Will I be normal?

Or will I be super?

Love

Now I know what you're thinking: Wyatt is the worst and he is always talking about who he loves and doesn't love him back. Well...

http://youtu.be/8l4r10MOH70?t=1m33s

I don't know how that would help me, but the point is, I am not in love with a girl. Or a person at all. I'm not gay. I just want to live in Norway. Really, I am in love with this:

That is where I want to live once I am rich. Seriously. Lake Strynsvatn next to Hjelle, Norway. I will live there with my wife after I become rich. Because seriously, I am in love. And I am not taking no for an answer.

Success.

I am sorry if I have seemed dramatic the past few posts. I figured whoever was commenting was joking, but I don't condone cyber bullying in any way. Having been someone that jokes (more than I am serious, for that matter), I have been the accidental bully myself. I am not that self conscious, but because I figured I would never get the chance to discuss the topic with the anonymous blogger, I figured posting that would show what I had to learn the hard way.

This fits with anyone and any form of joking. You don't know who is vulnerable, even if you think you do. I am fine, but I have struggled with my self image and this did make me feel bad a little. Just remember, the world is a hard place. You can make it easier for everyone by being a friend always.

I don't like tooting my own horn, but someone shared this story with me that made me realize even more how true this is.

Once I was at a party where I didn't know anyone but the host. It was an awkward situation. And, needless to say, I was kinda uncomfortable. But I remember this hilarious guy over in the corner. He was pretty attractive, I must say. I watched him from afar. The way an awkward outsider who frequently creeps on other people's conversations does. This guy was downright hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing at his witty remarks. And then, a little bit later, that gentleman introduced himself and was kind to me the whole night. He was one of those rare hilarious gents who has his head on straight. One that everyone admires and some fools show that as envy. One that makes you laugh till your sides split, but knows when it's right to joke, and when it's good to be serious. He made my night. He involved me in conversations when I was an outsider.

I honestly have no memory of this occurrence, which helps. You literally have no idea when you will have the opportunity to be someone's best friend, even just for a night. You have the power to make someone worse, but you have more power to make them better.

How's that for a lesson learned through deception and trickery? Really though, sorry for the mislead (even though I did start out that post saying, "I am a liar. I lie a ton."). I thought this ended better than I was planning. Also, a side lesson for you: Don't tangle with Wyatt Duclos via written word, because he is like the Superman of the English language.

Also, if you are completely lost as to what I am talking about (it's a hard thing to follow), read this post and the comments, then this post and it's comments, then finally this post. Hopefully that will help you understand what happened.

The best gift.

So I have been going through a lot internally. I could explain, but I already did in a letter. You'll understand why when you read the letter, but for the moment just know I was feeling like I needed one person: my brother, Brock. He was the only one I could talk to. But because he had a bunch of mission stuff on the Monday before Christmas (Christmas Eve) when his P-Day usually is, he told us he couldn't email. But I didn't care. On Saturday I just needed to vent my emotions to my best friend. So I did. I even put the subject of the email as, "I know we'll talk before you read this." So here is my letter, unedited and completely and totally personal. Please know I put this here only so you know how powerful the results were.

My Best Bud-

I just need to talk to you. I really miss you right now. I always miss you, but where you would be Trevor or someone else takes your place, but there are some places where only you fit. Like right now. It's Christmas time. Everyone has their family. I mean everyone. Trevor has his family. Bob has his. Nick has his. Nicole Tucker (who I am best friends with) has hers. The Popes and Pixtons and Haws' have theres. And to some extent Mom and Dad have their own thing happening, just the two of them. That's why you are so important. Because you are me plus two years. When the married people started talking about pregnancy, we went to play pool. When everyone had their family Christmas parties, we watched Jingle All the Way together (which I watched last night, alone). You are the one that keeps me from not being alone. And a Christmas like I'm reminiscing about may never happen again. This my last Christmas home and if I had one hesitation about not going on a mission ASAP, it would be wanting to spend one more Christmas with you while we are both wife-free. I need you. I love you. You are my best friend, better than all 6.9 billion other people. I'm glad I followed you, even though it felt sometimes like I was in your shadow. You are awesome. I love you. Merry Christmas. Just know that no one misses you more than me. I guarantee. Because no one else needs you with them more than me. 

-Your Best Bud

Tomorrow is Christmas. We are going to talk on the phone. I knew what was going to happen. But Saturday night I prayed. I really prayed. I asked Heavenly Father for a confirmation. See, I could leave before Brock gets back. I have always felt like an afterthought in his weekly emails. I needed to talk to him when it was just us. All I wanted was one, meaningful exchange with him before I left on my mission. That is what I prayed for; that was what I wanted. And I got it. Heavenly Father is the best at giving and, boy, is he the best at surprising us. After pulling an all-nighter with my friends, I woke up after a two hour nap to the best Christmas gift ever. What was it, you ask? Well here it is.

Hey mate, 

Turns out we got to do email today but we don't have a lot of time. You get the privilege of receiving my only email of the day!!

You know what helped me this Christmas? Elder Holland has an article in the Ensign (or New Era, I read it in the Liahona) that talks about his first Christmas away from home. It was when he was a new missionary, training a newer missionary and opening a new area. They spent the whole day the whole week actually, knocking on doors without anyone listening to them (as great as the mission is, those days happen and they are rough). But he said that was the first Christmas that he really focused on what it meant instead of focusing on just enjoying it. There is a lot of wisdom in his words. 

I love you and I'm glad you miss me. I miss you too. I am so excited for what you're going to learn on your mission. You'll grow in a way you'll never expect. Like it says in Ether 12:27, when you're out on your mission, you're going to be shown your weaknesses more than ever, believe me. But they'll be turned into strengths. You'll have a mission president that loves you and is inspired by Heavenly Father to help you become who you need to be. That relationship is so special. 

I pray for you because I know you are at a really fun, but really hard part of your life right now. And I am proud of you. I tell everyone that I have five brothers, four that served missions, and one that is on his way. One of the things I've learned is that I never have to wait to be happy. I can find the good in everything and enjoy life wherever I am. You are a good kid, and I'm excited to see you. 

I love you,

Elder Duclos

I'm sure he doesn't know how much his email meant or how much it made me cry. But Heavenly Father loves me so much. So much that he would give me a meaningful, personal conversation with my best bud. I know that He knows me personally. This Christmas is the best one I've ever had. Because even though I am kind of a loner, I am never alone. I have my Heavenly Father there, making sure I am happy. What else could I ask for?

Things I never did/was

Tomorrow is the end. Not really, but if it was, I have a pretty embarrassing list of non-complishments. Here it is:

• Never even kissed a girl. Not even close.
• Never was an adult.
• Never owned a car.
• Never read the entire Bible (almost there, though).
• Never wrote a book and/or movie.
• Never had a relationship with a girl.
• Never read Foundation.
• Never been out of a North American country.
• Never went on a mission.
• Never got my endowments.
• Never became an elder.
• Never been a president of anything.
• Never been married.
• Never went to college.
• Never ate a steak burger in Utah.
• Never had my concealed carry permit.
• Never did all of my laundry.
• Never worn a suit tailored for me.
• Never recreated any of my favorite scenes from my favorite movies.
• Never gone skydiving.
• Never seen The Hobbit.
• Never seen Life of Pi.
• Never expressed how much people really mean to me.

So that is my list. Pretty depressing. Good thing I'm working on it. Also good thing the world is still going to be happening for longer than the next 24 hours and one minute.

That's it

I am going on a mission. Submitting my papers in 118 days!



This school year will be so long.

I got it.

I have always wanted to not be the weirdo. I know I am not always that bad, but I almost always alienate myself from those around me unintentionally. I have always wanted to be part of the group, even for a few hours.
I think tonight was the first time I wasn't random, weird or nerdy. It was pretty great. If you don't already know me, one of the biggest features I have is also one of the things I hate most about myself: I make neurological connections quickly and vastly. Like in one second the phrase "ice cream" might cause this mental flow:

1. Ice cream to Ice cream cone
2. Ice cream cone to double ice cream cone
3. Double ice cream cone to Mr. Bean
4. Mr. Bean to Rowan Atkinson
5. Rowan Atkinson to Matt Smith
6. Matt Smith to Doctor Who
7. Doctor Who to season premiere of Doctor Who
8. Season premiere of Doctor Who to August 24
9. August 24 to school
10. School to English
11. English to To Kill a Mockingbird

Then I would say something about To Kill a Mockingbird. That is why everyone thinks I am random. I am not random, I just think quickly and highly efficiently. Tonight though, I managed to stay myself without revealing that someone saying something about frozen dairy reminded me of a 1930's southern Alabama lawyer's six-year-old daughter.
I had a really great time. I went to Taco Amigo and ran into Maren and Spencer and Alyssa and Aubrey. We ate until they kicked us out and then we dropped Aubrey and Alyssa off at home and went to Nicole's house to say hi. I was not weird.
I loved it. I didn't realize I did it until now, but I got exactly what I wanted. Even though people say "be yourself" and "normal is lame," I really enjoyed myself. I didn't ever get those awkward pauses after I tell a joke that others don't get. I wasn't completely normal; I still talked like Sean Connery for a while. I did throw in a Star Wars reference. I did get one slightly awkward pause. But I was exactly the person I want to be. It was great.

I am ALWAYS right

I am always right. I have always had my opinion when it comes to just about everything. And often people say I am not right. And often I admit that I probably am. But I am always right. I am not saying this to brag or to impress or even tell you to listen to me, but I am awesome because I am so impressively right, so you should always listen to me. Haha. I am a crack up. Sorry. Anyway, seriously, I am correct in every way. Just know, it sucks. Also, because I am always right: I will become a rich author and film director, I will marry the most perfect girl and I will eventually use a jetpack.

A Favorite.

“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.”

-Albert Einstein

Artistic Genius.

So I have been listening to the biography of Steve Jobs (don't touch it, it drops the F bomb more times than an 'R' rated, late eighties teenage film about "coming of age") and I have gotten inspired. No, not by Jobs, but by possibly one of the greatest artists of our era: Jonathan Ive. He is iconic. I cannot believe how beautifully everything he crafts comes to be. He really is a great artist.

Words cannot describe the respect I have for this genius of a man.

Holy my goodness

I love this song mainly because it just doesn't end. So great. I have no clue why this band just entered my radar, but I love them. So much.

I can be passive aggressive

I have an English teacher who I less than like. He told us to write a paper answering a question: How long does one wait before eating Peeps? He deeply implied that he wanted the focus to be patience, but he never expressed it, just implied it. I am such a snairch.

A Philosophical Journey Through and To Peeps

Throughout human history, man has strived for one thing above almost anything else: food. This quest, once it became a constant, transformed into a journey to find the most decadent flavors possible. Man found sugar, one of the most prized palette tantalizers ever to be consumed. Through thousands of years of refinement, mankind created a substance unbeknownst to the world: the marshmallow. A creature under extreme scrutiny, the lowly sugar confectionary sought a higher state of being. In the year of 1953 A.D, 1100 years after the birth of the marshmallow and 2800 years after the use of sugar in diets, the two products melded into one final definitive creation: Peeps. 

It has been stated that, although the candy Peeps is delicious in its own right, one must wait a certain amount of time to properly enjoy these heaven sent creations. To these soothsayers and concubines one must say, “Nay!” Since man first roamed the earth thousands of years ago, he has been striving for the ultimate of ultimates: the one delicacy to rule them all. Through the refiner’s fire only one treat has made it: Peeps. Why, therefore, should man wait another few days to enjoy the ambrosia that for so long stayed out of man’s reach? Who are we, the product of generations of struggling mortals, striving for this holy grail, who are we to hold our noses up for any longer than we must? In what world does this ignorance do justice to those who never had the opportunity to enjoy this manufactured goodness? Not the world where you would like to live. To the people who depreciate the value of instant sugar covered goodness, I say, “NO MORE!” We must immediately plunge into the heavenly velvet, the manna from heaven, in order to truly do justice to our ancestors. The instant that seal breaks, we must do more that sit idly by. We must take action. This is my plea. Amen.

Desire

I wish I lived back with Da Vinci. I wish the world were harder to live in but simpler to master. Where anything could be true because nothing was known to be. I wish that I could be one of the first to think about how the world works and not just simply how to live in it. I wish that I could discuss with Michelangelo. I wish I could theorize with Socrates. I wish that I were the person to inspire revolutions. I wish I could muse with John Locke. I wish I could study van Gogh at work.
I wish I didn't live where everything was so immediate and therefore so hard to be original. I wish the world were a place that didn't have everything solved for me. I wish I could go back.

But I cannot. The world is what it has become and I have had an extremely small impact on the world in the seventeen years I've lived in it. But that doesn't mean that originality is dead. That doesn't mean that greatness is over, that the world is going downhill. If anything being original in this version of the world, the world where originality is almost impossible, is more commendable than the work of Demosthenes.

The base is what we look to for inspiration, but it is never the prettiest part of the building. The beauty is in the final touches, the details that someone else might overlook. The swirling staircase or the striking chandelier. The foundation was not put there to be recreated or longed for, it was put there to build on. We must be ever striving to improve everything around us.
Although some say it is a lost cause, know that originality is ever forthcoming. It cannot be stopped because non-originality is never complete. One can recreate work in the exact in the same process the original was made. The result may be the same, but the journey is guaranteed to be different.

 Strive to be original. Da Vinci painted masterpieces and Plato drew a mental universe. But you have something no one else has: your perspective of the world that can create anything it wants. Do what you can to create a new world. The foundation may be poured, the house may be built, the furniture may even be placed, but even Michelangelo added the last of the Sistine Chapel. You may not make a huge impact, but your creation will be more beautiful than what any of our predecessors did and what any of our posterity could do for the simple fact that it was made by you.