I'm the same

So I didn't blog for 19 days. Longest gap I've had in a long while. But be grateful Juan Pablo, because a lot of what happened in the last 19 days was a lot like this crap. I don't like a lot of those blog posts because:
A) They're annoying and vague.
B) They show me at my weakest.
C) Who wants to read that crap?

Thanks to my lack of ambition, a side affect of senioritis, you don't have to read those posts I could have written.
Here are the last 19 days summed up in nineteen words:
California
Disneyland
Girl Relapse
Eagle Court of Honor
Senioritis
Lack of Ambition
Confusion
Done with high school
No money

That's all you need to know. Here are some thoughts that I have had lately:

• Ferris Bueller's Day Off is a completely different movie when you are a month away from graduation.
• I am really popular. I don't know what happened. Suddenly, I am not that nerd everyone thinks is weird. I am that weird nerd that everyone wonders how someone like me got so popular.
• Clark Kent would be a lot like me. You know what I mean? I mean, really. To totally dissuade anyone who might think he is Superman, he would be a total nerd who isn't into much physical activity.
• I am so done with high school. My new favorite line from Ferris Bueller's Day Off is, "It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school." I mean, really, give me one thing that I need to learn in the next month that I haven't learned some time in the last thirteen years. High school really is childish and stupid.
• I have eighty five more days in my home. Pleasant Grove and I are parting ways, maybe (probably not) for good. Okay, I don't have a girlfriend. I won't have a girlfriend before my mission. But I have PG. This town has given me everything. I'm telling you, there is no where in the world that can compare to Pleasant Grove. She is my first love. 
• Sometimes I can think for a little bit what I want to do with my life, but it only sticks around for a couple days, maximum. A couple serious considerations: secret agent, writer, journalist, director, movie writer, neurological scientist, brain surgeon, chef, restaurant owner, psychologist, life counselor (I don't know what that would be, exactly, I'm just good at advice), astronaut. I have no idea. I just wish it would be simpler. Freaking heck. 
• My wife>>>>>>>. (And I never do the greater than thing, so that proves how true that is).
• Man of Steel is going to be one of the best movies ever made. I am going to promise you that right now. And if it's rated 'R,' I may have one of the biggest life decisions ever to make: whether or not I see it.
• I seemed to have lost my lactose intolerance. But at the same time, I got allergies. That is pretty weird.
• I am so ready to be going to Italy. I won't be sad leaving. I'm ready to just move on. But driving on the freeway between the MTC and the airport past the only place ever to be my home will be the hardest part. I'll probably cry.

That was April for me. Sorry I never posted. It's not that I'm not good at it, typically. 

85 days.

Only nerds write papers for fun

I haven't written for a while. Being busy and stuff. I don't want to write about me, though. If you know me, you know I love the novel To Kill a Mockingbird. That book has heroes and villains. Some of the greatest people have the worst situations thrust upon them, yet they pull through. Atticus Finch. Heck Tate. Judge Taylor. Tom Robinson. Arthur Radley. But those people won't really be the focus of what I am writing about tonight. I want to write a paper about a man who dies in the first chapter of the book. A man who literally never talks in the whole novel. A man whose first name we don't even learn: Mr. Radley.

The first time through the book To Kill a Mockingbird, it is very easy for one to think that Mr. Radley is a rigid, total jerk. In fact, having read this novel over ten times, I can tell you that that perspective is probably going to stick. I never thought about it, really. He was a jerk and he died. Done deal. However, I have been thinking about it. I have really been thinking about it. To the point that now when I think about Mr. Radley, I tear up. I submit to you that Mr. Radley was as great of a man as Atticus Finch. The only difference was that he had a rougher situation.

Here is a little thought I had that you probably haven't considered (I say that because I just barely thought of it and that was on a fluke): Arthur Radley was mentally handicapped. Now mind you, I don't mean that he had a lot of disabilities; maybe just a little autism. The book takes place in the 1930's in the South. Heck, this was a time when they hardly understood that skin color didn't change the worth of a person. They almost definitely didn't understand mental illness. Now keep that in mind as we go on.

Mr. Radley was said to be devoutly religious. A man whose only law was the law of God. A man who was most likely extremely happy to have a healthy baby boy, Nathan. A man who was probably extremely distraught when his second son, Arthur, was born with problems he didn't understand. A man who probably prayed to God asking why he had been given this unsolvable trial. A man whose already stiff living became stiffer, thinking he had done something to upset God. His children grew up living fairly normal lives, his younger sons slight disability not too noticeable, but just noticeable enough for Mr. Radley to want to change it yet was unable to do so. Mr. Radley was aware that his younger son did not have many friends. He was sad that his son was so distant. Then finally Arthur got some friends. Mr. Radley didn't care who these kids were; they were friends with Arthur and that was good enough. His son was finally normal and Mr. Radley was so happy. He really loved Arthur.

That's why the arrest came as such a shock. It wasn't as bad as everyone said it was. Small towns always blow things out of proportions. The biggest problem was not the charges. The court wanted the boys to be sent to a correctional school. But Mr. Radley knew better than most: Arthur wouldn't do well there. He just wouldn't be able to make it with all his special needs. Not only that, but ever since the incident (of which he was just an observer), Arthur was scared. Mr. Radley told the courts that he would never send his son to that school. People took it as a sign of pride, but it didn't matter. The thing was, Arthur didn't need to be encouraged to stay indoors. He was scared. His simple mind couldn't think of anything outside of his house that was good.

After Nathan moved out, the Radley's reached a very easy point in their lives. Mr. Radley, now retired, bought groceries. Mrs. Radley took care of the house and her plants on the porch. Arthur was Arthur. He was content as long as he had newspaper and scissors. Mr. Radley started to love his son more. Mr. Radley went from seeing his son as a curse of God and started to think of him as a gift from God. Mr. Radley, a typically calm, reserved man, started playing with his son. He may have been an adult, but he had the mind and the heart of an innocent child and Mr. Radley loved that. In contrast, as his love for Arthur grew, his resentment for Maycomb also grew. Their stories of Arthur become wild exaggerations. They didn't know Arthur. Who were they to judge his blessing from God? The neighborhood starting calling Arthur the cruel name of Boo, as though he were just a creature and not a beautiful, wonderful, innocent young man. Mr. Radley started to speak to Maycomb citizens as minimally as possible. 

One night, Arthur and Mr. Radley were playing a game. Arthur got excited. Too excited. It was an accident. He didn't even really realize what he had done. He stabbed Mr. Radley in the leg with his favorite pair of scissors. They went to Dr. Reynolds and of course he had to call Heck Tate. When he got to the Radley residence, Arthur had forgotten the incident. Mr. and Mrs. Radley thought it was understandable. No one else did. The whole thing got blown out of proportions again. They locked Arthur up. It made Mr. Radley mad. His son was not a criminal. His son was not crazy. His son was a beautiful young man who just had a different understanding. Arthur was locked up and Mr. Radley couldn't get him out fast enough. Finally the courts heard his appeal; Arthur was coming home. Mr. Radley couldn't wait to have his little boy home again. 

The nights in the courthouse basement changed Arthur. Now he was silent. He was deathly afraid to go outside. It broke Mr. Radley's heart. His son was so sweet and they had ruined his life. His special son, and he was lost because of their ignorance. Mr. Radley's personality in public was so cold that before he seemed personable in comparison. He had little to say to these people. He didn't care what they thought. He didn't care about their lives. Even the good ones like the lawyer Finch became strangers. Mr. Radley spent all day every day trying to get Arthur to become what he used to be. After years of trying, it finally hit Mr. Radley: Arthur was gone. All that was left was Boo.

The day he realized was the day he started dying. Within a month he was on his deathbed. The typical people came over. Boo stayed away. Mr. Radley died thinking his son was broken and he couldn't do anything to change that. As far as he knew, no one could fix him. 

Of course, that was before Dill bet Jem that he couldn't touch the Radley house. That was before Boo met Scout and that was before Arthur started watching the lawyer Finch's kids.

That was my paper. I hope you like it. Because that was all I would need to use it for. Also, if you want to disprove anything I wrote, most of it was guesswork. It all came from the first chapter. Now if you haven't read this book, ask yourself, "Why in the world would a senior in high school write a four page paper for fun?" That is how amazing this book is. That paper was written from the first chapter. Seriously, if you haven't read it, do it now. I promise you it will change your perspective on life. It is so amazing. Thanks for reading this. Here's your prize. I have no idea what the heck it is. I spent like thirty seconds exploring, but have at it. That's all. Goodnight!

And mine heart was pained with the iniquities of the people

Now I am not trying to brag or be rude, but don't comment on this saying something like, "You're going to be a great missionary some day." I appreciate what you mean, but honestly, I don't care. I don't care whether or not I am going to be great. I think about Nephi and how he was so amazing and then his cry of "o wretched man that I am! Yea, my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities"seems to apply to my life anymore, so don't tell me any different. Not until I am more righteous than him (which won't happen anytime soon, just so you know).

Nephi says in 2 Nephi 32:7, "...I am left to mourn because of the wickedness, and the ignorance, and the stiffneckedness of men: for they will not search knowledge, nor understand great knowledge, when it is given unto them in plainness, even as plain as word can be."

I think about Lehi and how he would feel in the world today. Because I would think that Jerusalem was not as wicked as even some of the cleanest of cities today. And it makes me sad. I know tons of kids raised in the gospel, who were "given [the truth] in greatness" yet they can't get it! People I love. They don't realize the truth!

I am saddened because I know that they have lost sight of what matters most. They have lost sight of our Savior, Jesus Christ. They get caught up in the "now" and lose sight of the "forever." I honestly don't care about myself. I could go to Hell for all I care if it meant that they finally understood what they are giving up. Because if they did realize, they would never turn away from it. If you really understand the gospel of Christ, you never will forget. Even if you get caught up in sin, you will always have that undeniable truth.

"Oh that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people! Yeah, I would declare unto every soul, as with the voice of thunder, repentance and the plan of redemption, that they should repent and come unto our God, that there might not be more sorrow upon all the face of the earth." (Alma 29:1-2) 

Right now, I feel this plea with all my heart. I look at the deepness and completeness of Satan's grasp and I can't fix a millionth of it. It can't happen because "behold, I am a man." (Alma 29:3) The world is black and dark with the sins of the people. Satan seems to have total control. And he is so implanted. I have been on this earth for eighteen years. I can hardly keep my head above sin for an hour (even in my dreams, I am a sinner). How can I overcome this mammon? How can I overcome the world? I am just one man.

"In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." 

John 16:33

Christ knew how I would be feeling tonight. So much so that He sees even my hopelessness. "Be of good cheer" is said before even the reason. He comforts us first, then tells us why. I have heard this scripture thousands of times, but each time I thought of it as a more personal promise when I have a trial. But really, it is a statement for the small and the large. I don't have to overcome the darkness of the world in my quest to share Christ's gospel. I just need to live as He did so through me He can shake loose the binding hold of Lucifer. 

I know what Moroni did. A person reading Alma 48:17 might think, "Wow, if everyone was like Moroni, Hell would be shaken." I know how we as a people can shake the foundations of Hell: Let Christ work through us. Alone, we are as capable as a toddler trying to fly to the moon, but with Christ, the moon is nothing compared to His capabilities. We cannot even imagine what He has in store. 

As followers of Christ have said before me and will say afterward, the gospel of Christ is true and you cannot even have hope if you don't turn to Him. I love you, but not as much as Christ does. Imagine how much love you can feel and times it by infinity and that is still nothing compared to the love Christ feels for us. Turn to Him. Please. He will not fail you. 

I thought it was bad before

You know that anticipating feeling you (used to) get on Christmas Eve? Or that feeling when you are trying to fall asleep the night before a really exciting day?

Those are nothing compared to the anticipation when your mission papers are at the church headquarters and your call still hasn't been issued.




Aaaaaaah.

Kolipoki

I watched The Other Side of Heaven today.



Because I submitted my mission papers to the Church office building in Salt Lake.





I'M GOING ON A MISSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now is the long wait.

I want to tell you a story

It's about a man who came to earth. To make writing easier, we'll call him Clark. 

Clark was sent because his father, a good and noble man, wanted his son to live a life like himself. 

Clark was taken into a home by parents who wanted a baby boy. They got a son who was going to be strong, but they didn't realize it for a while. As Clark grew, he knew he had certain responsibilities due to traits inherit from his true father, who he had never met. So Clark decided to fulfill what his father had always planned on him doing: protecting and saving the world from total destruction.

Clark was on a planet that wasn't his home. He had parents he loved more than anything, but they weren't his only parents. He got a job as a writer, people around him never realizing how much power he really possessed. But when he heard a cry for help, no matter where he was, he put on his father's mantle and saved those he could. He wasn't perfect, but he tried to be. And it seemed that when he didn't reach his full potential, the shortcomings were made up for him.

At times, although Clark had amazing powers, he felt he needed guidance, guidance from him who truly knew his situation: his father. Luckily, when Clark retreated to his mountain citadel, he was able to gain insights from his first father. This connection was one of the reasons Clark was able to become so great.

Clark had a heart of righteousness and because of his father, he had powers and gifts the world wouldn't understand and some would even reject and scorn. He knew his potential and every day Clark strived to fulfill that potential, because he knew that was the only worthwhile choice. Clark was a super hero, but few ever realized.

This is funny. Because you really think you know who I am talking about. Well get ready to be blown away. This completely true story is not written about a fictional character. It's the story of Wyatt Duclos. I'll change the names and add a couple of words to help make it clearer.

Wyatt was sent because his Heavenly Father, a good and noble man, wanted his son to live a life like himself. 

Wyatt was taken into a home by parents who wanted another baby boy. They got a son who was going to be spiritually strong, but they didn't realize it for a while. As Wyatt grew, he knew he had certain responsibilities due to priesthood powers inherited from his true father, who he had never met. So Wyatt decided to fulfill what his father had always planned on him doing: protecting and saving the world from total spiritual destruction.

Wyatt was on a planet that wasn't his home. He had parents he loved more than anything, but they weren't his only parents. He got a job as a writer, people around him never realizing how much power he really possessed. But when he heard a cry for help, no matter where he was, he put on his father's mantle and saved those he could. He wasn't perfect, but he tried to be. And it seemed that when he didn't reach his full potential, the shortcomings were made up for him.

At times, although Wyatt had amazing powers, he felt he needed guidance, guidance from him who truly knew his situation: his Heavenly Father. Luckily, when Wyatt retreated to his mountain citadel, he was able to gain insights from his first father. This connection was one of the reasons Wyatt was able to become so great.

Wyatt had a heart of righteousness and because of his Heavenly Father, he had priesthood powers and spiritual gifts the world wouldn't understand and some would even reject and scorn. He knew his potential and every day Wyatt strived to fulfill that potential, because he knew that was the only worthwhile choice. Wyatt was a super hero, but few ever realized.

The thing about this is, I am not the only one. Anyone who has the gospel has the same responsibilities and the same gifts. It may seem like bragging that I say that Superman and I are the same person and I guess you're right. Superman never saved souls and neither have I. But I really intend to. I am a huge Superman fan because the story of Superman is the story of any priesthood holding twelve year old or eighty year old. Our Father asks us to be super, but first He made us super. We have His guidance. We have His gifts. We have His power.

I guess we all have a choice. We all have that decision to make: 

Will I be normal?

Or will I be super?

Missionary Month

So my ward is doing missionary month. We have three weeks of three different challenges, but I am just doing all three challenges all three weeks. One of the challenges is to stop using social networking sites, and I think blogger counts for that. However, missionaries can write home once a week via email and that is usually on Preparation Day, which is typically Monday, so I am writing a letter on P-Day via my blog.

Hey everyone!

Life has been great. I haven't written on here in a while, but that's just because I am lazy. Oh and missionary month. Anyway, I am having a great time with missionary month. I haven't watched TV and I've only listened to church approved music and I haven't networked socially for five days, and will continue in a like manner for another 16. It really has increased the amount of the spirit's influence on my life.

I am so grateful for the gospel. I wish I could write everything that has happened that has strengthened my testimony in just the last two weeks, but I can't because I only have a half hour (the amount of time you can be logged into LDS mail). 

We can go for just today, if you'd like. Today I started out with a great lesson in seminary. It is so good to just enjoy the influence of the spirit while messing around with a bunch of other kids while learning the gospel. Then, when my friend got stuck in the snow, one of the biggest spiritual giants I know, Brother Joel Wright, came and pulled her out. He didn't even wait for me to ask, he just did. Then when he left, he didn't wait for a thanks. He just did what he knew was right then kept traveling on.

Lately I have felt at a spiritual decline, but the past two weeks have been so great. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and beyond that, I am a firm believer of Christ's gospel. I am so grateful for the atonement that gives me a reason to hope. 

I am going on a mission and really, I can't wait. 

I can't wait to leave everything I've ever known behind. 

I can't wait to move out of the only house I've ever lived in. 

I can't wait to go to a foreign home and feel out of place but then make it my home. 

I can't wait to work and walk until my feet are sore and my skin is sunburned. 

I can't wait to be free from the stresses of school and girls and family and media to take on a stress of eternal significance: bringing others to Christ. 

I can't wait to be yelled at, mocked, spit upon, threatened, and rejected. 

I can't wait because this gospel is true and what else would matter? 

Where I am when I am a missionary is where the Lord wants me. I will be a true, complete, full-time missionary. I want to lose my life in the service of God (I don't mean I want to die, just that I want to forget myself). The gospel is true. I am called of God to be a representative of His son, our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ to preach His gospel to the world. To be hated and loved by those I serve with all my heart. To be a beacon of truth and a guide to eternal, real, almost tangibly full happiness.

And I can't wait.

I am not an angry person

As my scout leader once said, I have a long fuse and, when it gets to the end, there is not much of an explosion. I don't feel too angry most of the time. But there is one thing that people do that infuriates me. I hate hypocrisy. So much. I just can't stand it. It hurts me to see guys who I know are not trying get away with it. When a guy acts immoral and a girl still likes him, he knows he can get away with it, if he hides it enough. I see guys talking to really strong LDS girls, making the girls think they are living the gospel, but then I can't sit next to them for five minutes because of how they talk. It makes me seriously consider getting in a fight. They won't attack me personally, but they make me think of stuff like this:
 “They draw near to me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me..."
It makes me sad. Seriously, I can control my anger, but I think I have come closer to a full on fist fight over this than any other topic. So guys, stop being hypocrites. Girls, stop liking them. Seriously, you can't be falling for that crap. Wake up.



Sorry if this post seemed mean. It was. I am angry. Sorry, I try not to be, but it's better than beating up a stupid idiot who acts righteous just to kiss girls. I know I shouldn't judge others, but really, I am only human.

Love

Now I know what you're thinking: Wyatt is the worst and he is always talking about who he loves and doesn't love him back. Well...

http://youtu.be/8l4r10MOH70?t=1m33s

I don't know how that would help me, but the point is, I am not in love with a girl. Or a person at all. I'm not gay. I just want to live in Norway. Really, I am in love with this:

That is where I want to live once I am rich. Seriously. Lake Strynsvatn next to Hjelle, Norway. I will live there with my wife after I become rich. Because seriously, I am in love. And I am not taking no for an answer.

My Fortress of Solitude

I have lots of thoughts, but they are all going to be worth reading. This post will be long, but you should read it all. Because I think it's needed for you.

My entire life I have had the gospel. Because of that, it was hard for me to know what the spirit felt like  because I had never not known what it felt like. 

For the past week or so, I couldn't feel it. I didn't know what it was. I searched for what it would be that caused this spiritual recession. And even now I can't tell you what caused it. All I know is that I was lost. I could not find the spirit. Prayer, church, seminary, scripture study. It was like I was learning but I was just learning physically, not spiritually. Last night was especially bad. I felt like I was trying so hard but getting no results. I spent hours studying but I could never find that spirit.

Then this morning was the temple day for my Priest quorum. I set my alarm, knowing that if I could get the spirit anywhere, it would be in the temple of the Lord. So I woke up an hour after my group had left. I had set my alarm for 7:10 PM, not AM. After the feeling of failure I gained from totally missing the one shot I had at bringing my life back to where it was before. I had missed my one shot at entering the temple of God to gain His spirit. 

I sat at home alone, eating pizza. And honestly, I didn't have much drive to do anything. Both of my parents are out of town. If you didn't realize (or don't live in Utah county), it was about 4 degrees Fahrenheit all day. That's why this next part had to be completely psychotic. I decided that I needed to go to on a hike. You see, back in May (I think) I was running for student body president. I was nervous and tired and restless. I went into the mountains and got to the look out point up Grovecreek Canyon and I prayed. That night I lost. But I was fine because those mountains had helped me come closer to the Lord.

However, as I decided to hike, that honestly was the furthest thing from my mind. I seriously thought that I was likely to die or get injured. But I didn't care because I was just so done with everything. So in jeans, a thin jacket, earmuffs and gloves, I sent out on my journey.

My body was frozen before I got out of my neighborhood. By the time I reached the mouth of the canyon, my breathing was heavy and hard. I walked up listening to the novel Frankenstein. Little tip, if you want to stop being depressed about being alone, don't listen to that book. I walked up thinking all about how hard my life was and how much I had tried only to get nothing in return. 

I was almost to the lookout point and I had decided that I would pray again there. I needed to get back to where I was. But just before the lookout point, I wandered upon a herd of deer. It made me stop. I don't know what I was thinking, but I went from being bitter about everything to having my heart a little softer and my neck a little looser. I sat there for a while, just thinking.

I got to the lookout point.

You should click on the photo to see how spectacular a view it is. No edit.

Do you guys remember what ancient prophets used as temples? Yeah, that's right. Mountains. I had the most breathtaking view. Then I got down on my knees and I prayed. I had prayed plenty of times before. I had prayed longer with no results. But when I stood up after praying on that ancient temple, I had the spirit. Finally I had it.

It was so cold my phone shut off. I hiked down the mountain with my thoughts being the only thing to entertain me. I thought about how blessed I was. I thought about how lucky I was. My body was colder than when I walked up the mountain, but I couldn't have been warmer. I had the Spirit of God coursing through my veins. I was finally happy.

I walked up to commune with the God of all as a bitter, cold, lonely boy. I walked down hopeful and happy, with the spirit in my heart and the Savior at my side.

I love Superman. I love him because he is so much like me. His story is really similar to all of our stories. A being more than mortal who was sent off by loving parents to earth. He was given to mortal parents who loved him. He lived a normal life, but he had an enormous amount of power. He spent his life serving others with that power because their was nothing else he could do with it. And he had a place where he could go and talk to his father, just the two of them. He had a Fortress of Solitude. That mountain has become my Fortress of Solitude. It doesn't matter what happens. I can get my heart broken or my leg broken or I can be pushed to the edge like Job. It doesn't matter, because my Fortress of Solitude is not just a place. It is a state of mind. I can be in contact with the all knowing, all powerful being in charge of everything and He and I can just relax and talk. Nothing is a better feeling, I promise.

Remember prayer. It really, really works. I promise.

The best gift.

So I have been going through a lot internally. I could explain, but I already did in a letter. You'll understand why when you read the letter, but for the moment just know I was feeling like I needed one person: my brother, Brock. He was the only one I could talk to. But because he had a bunch of mission stuff on the Monday before Christmas (Christmas Eve) when his P-Day usually is, he told us he couldn't email. But I didn't care. On Saturday I just needed to vent my emotions to my best friend. So I did. I even put the subject of the email as, "I know we'll talk before you read this." So here is my letter, unedited and completely and totally personal. Please know I put this here only so you know how powerful the results were.

My Best Bud-

I just need to talk to you. I really miss you right now. I always miss you, but where you would be Trevor or someone else takes your place, but there are some places where only you fit. Like right now. It's Christmas time. Everyone has their family. I mean everyone. Trevor has his family. Bob has his. Nick has his. Nicole Tucker (who I am best friends with) has hers. The Popes and Pixtons and Haws' have theres. And to some extent Mom and Dad have their own thing happening, just the two of them. That's why you are so important. Because you are me plus two years. When the married people started talking about pregnancy, we went to play pool. When everyone had their family Christmas parties, we watched Jingle All the Way together (which I watched last night, alone). You are the one that keeps me from not being alone. And a Christmas like I'm reminiscing about may never happen again. This my last Christmas home and if I had one hesitation about not going on a mission ASAP, it would be wanting to spend one more Christmas with you while we are both wife-free. I need you. I love you. You are my best friend, better than all 6.9 billion other people. I'm glad I followed you, even though it felt sometimes like I was in your shadow. You are awesome. I love you. Merry Christmas. Just know that no one misses you more than me. I guarantee. Because no one else needs you with them more than me. 

-Your Best Bud

Tomorrow is Christmas. We are going to talk on the phone. I knew what was going to happen. But Saturday night I prayed. I really prayed. I asked Heavenly Father for a confirmation. See, I could leave before Brock gets back. I have always felt like an afterthought in his weekly emails. I needed to talk to him when it was just us. All I wanted was one, meaningful exchange with him before I left on my mission. That is what I prayed for; that was what I wanted. And I got it. Heavenly Father is the best at giving and, boy, is he the best at surprising us. After pulling an all-nighter with my friends, I woke up after a two hour nap to the best Christmas gift ever. What was it, you ask? Well here it is.

Hey mate, 

Turns out we got to do email today but we don't have a lot of time. You get the privilege of receiving my only email of the day!!

You know what helped me this Christmas? Elder Holland has an article in the Ensign (or New Era, I read it in the Liahona) that talks about his first Christmas away from home. It was when he was a new missionary, training a newer missionary and opening a new area. They spent the whole day the whole week actually, knocking on doors without anyone listening to them (as great as the mission is, those days happen and they are rough). But he said that was the first Christmas that he really focused on what it meant instead of focusing on just enjoying it. There is a lot of wisdom in his words. 

I love you and I'm glad you miss me. I miss you too. I am so excited for what you're going to learn on your mission. You'll grow in a way you'll never expect. Like it says in Ether 12:27, when you're out on your mission, you're going to be shown your weaknesses more than ever, believe me. But they'll be turned into strengths. You'll have a mission president that loves you and is inspired by Heavenly Father to help you become who you need to be. That relationship is so special. 

I pray for you because I know you are at a really fun, but really hard part of your life right now. And I am proud of you. I tell everyone that I have five brothers, four that served missions, and one that is on his way. One of the things I've learned is that I never have to wait to be happy. I can find the good in everything and enjoy life wherever I am. You are a good kid, and I'm excited to see you. 

I love you,

Elder Duclos

I'm sure he doesn't know how much his email meant or how much it made me cry. But Heavenly Father loves me so much. So much that he would give me a meaningful, personal conversation with my best bud. I know that He knows me personally. This Christmas is the best one I've ever had. Because even though I am kind of a loner, I am never alone. I have my Heavenly Father there, making sure I am happy. What else could I ask for?

I don't like stuff like this

Typically I don't like posting stuff like this (or reading posts like this), but this song is really easy to relate to for me.



Ha. I am such a dork. I did the numbers last night; I am 0 for 25 of significant crushes that amounted to anything. I am so glad I get to go on a mission and forget all this girl stuff.

I guess I am just different?

I really don't feel like living through a certain date is that important. I feel like I am the only one. Or maybe I just don't have a high school level personality. I am just more mature or something. But keep in mind that you did live during 12/12/12 at 12:12:12 AM and PM, so did 6,973,738,433 other people. So congratulations. You participated in a world wide event of living for two limits by a human clock that are unusual because of the way the are numbered.

Girls

Hahahaha. Remember this post? Hahahahaha I am so stupid to think that I could just not like girls. But for reals this time. That girl that I liked for over two years? Not anymore. That girl I am really good friends with? Not going to be more than friends. That girl who asked for my number? Good luck with the rejection hotline (haha just kidding, but really, I won't be flirting with you via text). That girl who might have a crush on me that is really pretty and I would not dislike liking? She probably won't get to know me very well.
I am D-O-N-E with girls.



And I am happy with that.


Also, this.
I seriously almost urinated from excitement. I really did. It made me explode with pure excitement. I LOVE SUPERMAN. SO MUCH. I SHOULD STOP yelling.