Things I never did/was

Tomorrow is the end. Not really, but if it was, I have a pretty embarrassing list of non-complishments. Here it is:

• Never even kissed a girl. Not even close.
• Never was an adult.
• Never owned a car.
• Never read the entire Bible (almost there, though).
• Never wrote a book and/or movie.
• Never had a relationship with a girl.
• Never read Foundation.
• Never been out of a North American country.
• Never went on a mission.
• Never got my endowments.
• Never became an elder.
• Never been a president of anything.
• Never been married.
• Never went to college.
• Never ate a steak burger in Utah.
• Never had my concealed carry permit.
• Never did all of my laundry.
• Never worn a suit tailored for me.
• Never recreated any of my favorite scenes from my favorite movies.
• Never gone skydiving.
• Never seen The Hobbit.
• Never seen Life of Pi.
• Never expressed how much people really mean to me.

So that is my list. Pretty depressing. Good thing I'm working on it. Also good thing the world is still going to be happening for longer than the next 24 hours and one minute.

I don't like stuff like this

Typically I don't like posting stuff like this (or reading posts like this), but this song is really easy to relate to for me.



Ha. I am such a dork. I did the numbers last night; I am 0 for 25 of significant crushes that amounted to anything. I am so glad I get to go on a mission and forget all this girl stuff.

That moment

I like to say that I am always right. Because I am always right. I know when it won't work out and I know when it will. That's why the moment of heart break blindsided me. I was wrong. It sucks being wrong.

171 hours

Not much better than before. I'm doing the right thing, right?

It would help if it weren't impossible.

I guess I am an idiot

My mouth kept moving and my brain is just thinking, "Who told you to say that?!" Sometimes I just hate my action-first style. It really shows how dumb I am.

I don't know why

But I get hurt more from two hours of ice skating than a lifetime of backfield sports. Football, Frisbee, soccer. I never needed a bandaid and I never still hurt the next day. And the weird part is the worst injury has nothing to do with the fact that I fell. Some people just got all the moves.

That moment

When you are feeling queasy for no reason and the longer it lasts the worst it gets. When it is almost unbearable, the thought that you have invested so much, only to get a clear sign of failure. The moment when just as you give up hope, it works out. And you're happy again. And you think it's ridiculous that you ever were scared to begin with.











That moment kills me.

Answers

I had a rough night. Just one where you kind of lose faith in yourself. One where you realize that you are not as good as you thought you were. I read a scripture during my study session that I just had to share:

 9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities...for when I am weak, then am I strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

The Lord does what he can to make our lives as good as possible. The Lord helps us.

Tactics

I have always had a tactic when it comes to the girl I like. I never go in unaware of exactly how I act. And you know what? I sucked at every mark I tried. I have been working one mark for almost two years now and I just realized that I give up. I cannot succeed if I am trying. I mean, really. Two years. That is a long time without someone even giving you a backwards glance. I know this sounds dumb and frankly a little melodramatic, but I do not care. Because try as I might, my tactics have never succeeded. Believe it or not, I have seen one guy pull off the "nice guy" approach and a million guys get more results trying less in a year than I would in a single text message.
I do not quit often, but I also don't act senselessly. The worst part is that I don't even really want a girl to like me. I just want to be successful at being the type of guy a girl would like. Do you know what I realized? I suck at just that. Two years of cold, hard data backs me up that even when I am doing the best job possible, I can't even get the status of runner up.

To Hollywood.

I am not usually one to criticize films and especially the film industry. I do not expect perfection and therefore do not get disappointed. However, there is one reoccurring flaw in many films in almost every genre. The nerdy, different kid does not get the girl. I'm not saying that he doesn't get the head cheerleader that so often snags said character's heart for the first hour of the film. I mean the girl of quality. I have inadvertently studied this scenario for my entire life and one blatant truth never fails to rear its ugly head: the movies are lying. The nerdy guy doesn't get the girl in the beginning or even the girl in the end. What he gets is the friendship card stapled to his forehead.
Hollywood, I love you. I see your cinematographic splendor and your directing genius and I want nothing more to study you for days on end. If a veteran told you the war scenarios in your film were off, you'd listen because he is a professional. Well, this professional is saying that you guys really need to do some more research.
—W.R. Duclos

I don't need any comfort in the comments, I just needed to vent.

And that's why I have a best friend

I haven't seen my best friend, Trevor Ward, since Sunday. It isn't just that we haven't seen each other, it's that our communication has become limited to two phone calls. Now I am sure that I sound like a clingy guy, but you have to understand. Trevor and I have seen each other almost every day for the entire school year and if we didn't see each other we were texting or talking on the phone.
I really feel weird without him here. I stopped shaving my face. I have not gone to bed before midnight, even if I had work at 6:30 in the morning like today. I started to take showers at night instead of in the morning (I actually have no idea if that means anything, but I bet it does).

You know that's right. He's Gus, obviously.

Trevor and I think the same things. Right now I have no go to evening plans. I don't have someone to spew my Space Center mission ideas at. I can't even enjoy good food. I have gained five-ish pounds in the past three days. I smell bad. I don't do laundry.
Goodness I sound pathetic. But I don't care. I don't think I have even actively pursued coming in contact with a person of my age all week.
On the upside I have made over two hundred dollars in the past three days, which totally rocks.








I really need to do some laundry. Seriously.

Suckishness

Sorry this has been the most boring blog in the freaking world lately. I have not really had the time to write that I wish I had. For example, on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I was gone for fourteen hours. WIth the exception of 9 hours last night, I got a total of 15 hours of sleep. I have had math up the wazoo and it kind of sucks.

But I have had some good stuff in my life. I had an undying hatred for someone at the beginning of the week who I now love (not that I trust him, you can love somebody and still not trust them).  I also have been rocking it at work and tore apart more computers in two hours on Tuesday than I usually did all day when I started working there.

I also took a math test on Friday that I felt went really well. It was fun. Ha. Just kidding. Math is never fun. I made doughnuts (I don't like the other spelling, "donuts") from scratch on Monday. Devil's Food Cake and they were delicious.

I watched the edited version of IMDB's #10 highest rated film, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. I have yet to finish it, but I really like it. Great acting, great cinematography, and great directing. Jack Nicholson is a visionary with some of the scenes he made up. But don't watch it unedited. I could tell a lot of editing was done and I would not watch it if I did not have AMC's editing prowess backing me up.

I also went to Washington D.C. and Nashville, Tennessee last week for spring break. I ate so much food last Thursday and Friday, I almost exploded. Thursday night I had the bright idea to go running after eating beyond a normal person's capacity. I went into the hotel exercise room which had a whole wall with windows into the pool area, where there were a couple of teenagers.
After a quarter mile, I felt as though my everything was going to die, so I wisely stopped running as to avoid exploding ribs and smoked turkey onto the carpet. As I sat and composed my stomach, I realized that the teenagers had taken notice of me. But, the only thing they had seen was me running at a leisurely pace for a quarter mile that resting for a long time. Needless to say, I felt like a spaz. Then for a reason unknown to any scientific proofs or religious revelations or philosophical discoveries, one of the girls waved at me. I made sure she was waving at me (it had to be me because I was the only one it could've been), then awkwardly waved back. Cool story.

There is this girl I like who I haven't seen for a majority of the past two weeks because of vacations and stuff. She is just the best. This is going to sound super cliche, but she brings the best out of me. With her beautiful expressions (seriously, I have never seen anyone else who cannot contort their face into an ugly look, but regardless of what she does, her face is always beyond perfect), she really makes me want to be as perfect as she is. I am so grateful for my friendship with her and would not trade it for anything (except maybe a flying DeLorean with a flux capacitor). Seriously though, best person award goes to her.

This has been my life for the past two weeks. I have had a great time and a horrible time. I have wanted to sing, "Hallelujah," and I've wanted to shoot a burro. But all in all, I'd say it was a worthwhile time.

P.S. Also, I started a novel that I will be sharing soon.