I can be passive aggressive

I have an English teacher who I less than like. He told us to write a paper answering a question: How long does one wait before eating Peeps? He deeply implied that he wanted the focus to be patience, but he never expressed it, just implied it. I am such a snairch.

A Philosophical Journey Through and To Peeps

Throughout human history, man has strived for one thing above almost anything else: food. This quest, once it became a constant, transformed into a journey to find the most decadent flavors possible. Man found sugar, one of the most prized palette tantalizers ever to be consumed. Through thousands of years of refinement, mankind created a substance unbeknownst to the world: the marshmallow. A creature under extreme scrutiny, the lowly sugar confectionary sought a higher state of being. In the year of 1953 A.D, 1100 years after the birth of the marshmallow and 2800 years after the use of sugar in diets, the two products melded into one final definitive creation: Peeps. 

It has been stated that, although the candy Peeps is delicious in its own right, one must wait a certain amount of time to properly enjoy these heaven sent creations. To these soothsayers and concubines one must say, “Nay!” Since man first roamed the earth thousands of years ago, he has been striving for the ultimate of ultimates: the one delicacy to rule them all. Through the refiner’s fire only one treat has made it: Peeps. Why, therefore, should man wait another few days to enjoy the ambrosia that for so long stayed out of man’s reach? Who are we, the product of generations of struggling mortals, striving for this holy grail, who are we to hold our noses up for any longer than we must? In what world does this ignorance do justice to those who never had the opportunity to enjoy this manufactured goodness? Not the world where you would like to live. To the people who depreciate the value of instant sugar covered goodness, I say, “NO MORE!” We must immediately plunge into the heavenly velvet, the manna from heaven, in order to truly do justice to our ancestors. The instant that seal breaks, we must do more that sit idly by. We must take action. This is my plea. Amen.